GYSO Drawing Part 25 - Usain Bolt

Published: 2020-02-02

Introduction

Thor:
Hi and welcome, this post is already running long, as it does every time any of us mad lad GYSO writers open their palms onto their keyboards to spill out words flowing out of our hands at record breaking neck-bobbing paces to the beat of eccentric electronic jazz-fusion music playing so loudly that the neighbors are forced to intervene with the brute force of a fire extinguisher and gentle voices because they know they should not be more unreasonable than their car allows them, in this case a 2006 Honda Accord, which provides your neighbors with comfort and safety on the road, at many unforeseen costs that they do not yet know, because they seem to make all their life decisions based on what Jerry Seinfeld has joked about on his hit comedy show “Seinfeld”, which is ironic because as that show ages, so does his jokes, and literally all of the context around it, but I guess that doesn’t matter since they attend the local Church of Seinfeld congregations every Sunday to watch old re-runs and chant famous lines in unison, but what surprises me the most is how accurately they re-enact the fake audience laughter, as if they were a group of insane people trying to find salvation through TV shows from the 80’s, instead of acting like normal people and setting up defenses around their houses to protect from themselves from Liam Neeson when he comes to

Tim:
realize that the run on sentence, the one you’re reading right now, the one (the Juan) that is right here right now right in your face in your eyes is continuing like a bull in a china show except that doesn’t fit the theme, so its more like Jerry Seinfeld in a china shop (if he was on an extraordinary number of drugs, the least of which being bath salts and maybe ibuprofen) and wrecking shit up because we’re talking about 80’s TV show’s for some reason and that just doesn’t make any fucking sense but that’s okay since Thor wrote all of his sections before I wrote mine and now I have to fill in the blanks with more run on sentence that make your mental voice run out of breath, or at least make you feel like your mental reading voice is going to run out of breath, and this makes you read faster, or at least read more words with less understanding, since you’re so used to having a natural stopping point for all of your reading needs that knead you in the knee like you somehow expected this post to not try to break your expectations somehow, fuck you

What went right?

Tim:
, or maybe fuck me since I’m so lonely and instead of going out on the town on a Sunday night I spent literally 6 straight hours updating my old password database so that its better, but that is so hilariously off topic that the topic has now become “stay off topic”, which is a topic in of itself, which means that this whole thing is self referencing because I have a legit hard-on fetish for self-reference and recursion, especially if you do it

Thor:
with two cups of peanut butter, mix it into a slick hand-grenade, making sure to get the surface sticky enough for your target, which as we covered, is any 2006 Honda Accord for the reasons previously discussed, and as with small explosive weapons, chances are that you might destroy the very fabric of carbohydrates, but if you follow the recipe carefully you shouldn’t find carbohydrate based foods disintegrating from the general vicinity of the explosion, which anyways doesn’t matter since you won’t be attacking humans, you’re only going after the Seinfeld fans, of which all of them cannot legally be allowed to be classified as humans under my rule, unlike my friend Jenny who

What went wrong?

Tim:
doesn’t exist and won’t ever exist because my name isn’t Forest fuckin’ Gump like your favorite movie, which happens to be called Gump (because we all know the sequel/reboot/smart fridge is going to be called that), and you watch it every night, not because you enjoy it, but because you literally can’t fall asleep without the background noise of Gump in your background, like that one time you went to Sweden and realized that your copy of Gump was region locked, so you said, "

Thor:
så utan några större invändningar gick jag till kafeterian, där hon satt precis som hon brukade, och Jenny, som fram tills nu inte hade blandat sig in i konflikten, ställer sig på så vis att hon blockerar vägen till Marcus och markerar med hela hennes kroppspråk att det jag tänker göra är dumt, och jag tackar i efterhand Jenny för denna stunden eftersom det gav mig tid att reflektera över den dåliga mors dag-presenten jag fick 2012 av Jonas som trodde att han skulle komma undan precis som Marcus, vilket helt enkelt betydde att jag knuffade undan Jenny och när jag stod framför honom så ser jag ett plötsligt ljus utanför fönstret som sköljer över mig och det sista jag minns är att någon ropar

“bomb!” och jag sätter mig upp, känner efter om min plånbok är kvar, och som vanligt så är den kvar, lika tom som vanligt men jag inser snabbt att jag är väldigt hungrig, och det tar inte lång stund förrän fler i rummet påpekar samma känsla, jag rusar fram till kylskåpet i kafeterian och ser att allt det goda brödet är borta, det som var nybakat, och i ögonvrån ser jag Marcus dyka upp, förmodligen också för att leta mat, så jag slår helt enkelt till honom ändå, rakt på käften, trots att han inte gjort något fel, och som vanligt ger han ett jävla svar, levererat av ekorren Jerry Seinfeld har som spirit animal, som gömmer sig i Marcus afro, nämligen

“what’s the deal with airplane food, anyways,”

What happens next?

Tim:
," and than thought to yourself, “Hey I can’t read Swedish and Google Translate shits the bed with insane run on sentences,” and I have to agree with you that its a super weird turn of events that there’s Swedish in the middle of your GYSO post, especially because this is basically reveling that good old man Thor is Swedish and speaks alien as his first language which is pretty weird considering that is name is Thor and that the lives in Sweden, which basically confirms that our lives are a joke and the punch line is GYSO, or Get Your Skills On, or whatever you wish to call this blog that’s getting dangerously close to its one year anniversary and yet we keep finding stupid shit like this to write about like some sort of dysfunctional married couple forcing the relationship to keep going ad nasueam “for the kids”, so I’ll just pretend to have the plot lines of a pickle dildo on an action figure, the president of Mumbay, and your high school grape crush, full of poor transitions into the word “and” since thats really hard to transition into using run on sentences,

Thor:
and that’s how I met your mother, by the way, I didn’t quite believe her backstory to why her papier maché David Hasselhoff action figure with a glued-on cucumber-penis ended up stuck in my car window but I had no other choice since she had those documents that the president of Mumbay had signed, so when it all came together after the recovery of society after that terrible blast that annihilated all of the bread it really was like love at first sight.

The End