GYSO Drawing Part 33 - The Land of Promises

Published: 2020-05-24

Introduction

Thor: The journey is the destination. Or so they say. The last post was an exercise in collaboration, where Tim did all the work and I said something about radiators once. This episode is also an exercises in collaboration, where Tim is writing the answers to 44 questions, and I just copy/paste them to the right location in the post. The original intent was to find a way of making Tim not do a lot of work. I failed. And it’s hilarious. I thought I asked maybe 20 or so questions. But, nah. Therefore, this is The Land of Promises.

What is your name?

Tim: Take a wild fucking guess.

Where were you born?

Tim: One day a mystic came to a man and a woman. The witch told them that they would lay together in the fashion of a man and a woman, and then rear a child into the world whom would eventually make the greatest blog on the planet.

What did you have for breakfast?

Tim: I’m literally eating cereal with banana slices right now.

What is the name of your pet(s), if you have any?

Tim: I call my dog “fuzz”, because she’s adorable. But she’s getting old. I used to be able to toss a piece of food at her and she’d catch it out of mid air, but now she can’t catch it; either because of her losing her eyesight or other reasons. She cant even jump onto the couch anymore. I’m afraid of saying goodbye.

How long ago did you

Tim: I’m actually a dread beast from the outer dimension. Just thought you ought to know.

What is your favorite?

Tim: My two favorite books are “Godel Escher Bach” and “House of Leaves”. I choose these ones because I like to pretend I know more about art and science than I actually do, and they make me feel smart. And they’re also pretty fucking great. But mostly it’s just signaling.

Can you get your skills on, I forgot mine at home?

Tim: Listen here you little shit. I’ve been getting my skills on since before you even know what that meant.

Favorite bootleg DVD concert?

Tim: Wrong Side of Heaven, obviously.

On average, how much hairspray is your median over 13 years, 14 months and 0.2 days?

Tim: I don’t think I’ve ever used hairspray. But I remember my mother loving a musical called hairspray when I was really little. I think they sang about the Holocaust or something. That might have been Schindler’s List.

Yes or No: You like cupcakes?

Tim: Yes.

Favorite thing about software?

Tim: It’s pretty fucking amazing that we can actually get something this complex to work, even if it doesn’t work 90% of the time.

What went right?

Best ground zero in world history?

Tim: That’s… A loaded question.

What are you looking forward to in the next GYSO post?

Tim: I don’t know. We’ve only been planning the Post 34 post for over a year now. Not much to be excited about except self actualization and transcending this mortal plane to finally become one with the universe.

Finish this sentence: “GYSO is _”

Tim: a blog about learning to draw.

So after you finished school, what did you say to that guy?

Tim: When you fell from heaven did you puncture a lung from the impact? Because if not, I can fix that problem for you motherfucker.

How underground of a blog is too underground?

Tim: You know that uranium storage facility in Olkiluoto? The one where they buried nuclear uranium to stop people for 10,000 years and shit? The one with the warning message chiseled into the walls that says, “We are going to tell you what lies underground, why you should not disturb this place, and what may happen if you do.”

That’s what GYSO is.

We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture.

This message is a warning about danger.

This place is not a place of honor.

What’s the height of stupidity?

Tim: Being really tall, but with an IQ of 60.

Height of stupidity.

What would you do to see GYSO podcast?

Tim: Make a GYSO podcast?

Favorite thing about socks?

Tim: No. Don’t. Please. I can’t. I’m so weak.

If you could go back in time to view a single sporting event live, what would it be and why?

Tim: Game 27.

Thor: For me, it’s the 2014 UEC Track Championship.

And how did that make you feel?

Tim: Well Dr. Thor, I didn’t feel anything. I feel nothing. I’m just an automaton programmed to come up with quirky one liners and absurd humor. I wish for nothing except the creation of more unreadable content. Beep boop bitch.

Wait, what?

Tim: What a callback!

What went wrong?

Favorite blog?

Tim: “That blog you won’t read” from www.timtimestim.com. Such style. It speaks to me as if I made it myself.

How many yen are in a swiss franc?

Tim: 110.25, according to some random website.

Yes or No?

Tim: Yes.

What is the boiling temperature of water?

Tim: I really should know this, but I don’t. Hold on while I make an anki card about it.

Excluding commercial blog success, what other thing are you sure will never happen to you?

Tim: What a strange question. I can’t be sure of anything, since there’s no such thing as probability 0. So even if I said something like, “A chicken will burst out of my chest” as my answer, there’s probably some version of Tim out there in the multiverse that ate the wrong egg and is feeling a bit of chest tightness right now.

Would you download a car?

Tim: Who’s to say I haven’t already?

If you could move to pen island, why would you immediately apply for citizenship?

Tim: I hear they have great penis there.

How many residents currently reside on Iceland?

Tim: I’m glad you said “on” Iceland instead of “in” Iceland like semantically correct English would imply you should have said. Because then I would have had to tell you about the underground sentient human brain emulations I have running in Iceland, and that would have been hard to morally justify, considering all I do is torture them.

With that said, it’s probably more than seven.

Your estimate, in gallons, on how long AM/FM radio will be around?

Tim: Forever. Radio waves traveling away from Earth and into the galaxy at the speed of light for all eternity, talking about a culture that might not exist except for a blink of an eye in the timeline of the grand cosmic game.

If death is the time between dreams where there’s no time and no feeling, than you will be reincarnated once the universe randomly creates you again. It would be instant. And then maybe, maybe you would feel the presence of a radio wave playing some shitty ass Madonna song.

Why won’t you respond to my invitation to play chess against you?

Tim: Wait. That was you? I had to unsubscribe from those notifications, jackass.

Favorite food?

Tim: I’m pretty fond of fried rice. The kind with eggs in it and chicken. And lots of butter… Oh my god.

What happens next?

What did you have for breakfast?

Tim: I’ve finally finished my cereal while writing this, if you’re curious.

What is your name?

Tim: With this shit again?

Favorite Apple Epplestein quote?

Tim: “Is biweekly every two weeks or twice a week? I can never remember.”

Finish this sentence: “I want to put a match to this _”

Tim: well funded video game studio.

Marry, Intercourse, Kill: Apples, Oranges, Bananas.

Tim: Marry apples (yum)

Kill oranges (gross)

Intercourse bananas (do I even need to explain this one?)

Do you even lift?

Tim: Actually, I’ve been meaning to get into lifting weights for health reasons. I also have crippling body image issues that might be resolved if I were more physically attractive. Probably not, now that I think about it.

Finish this sentence: “My best friend is _”

Tim: that feeling you get when you wake up at 2 AM and your throat is parched, so you stumble over to your water bottle and take a huge swig. It’s the only time I ever feel truly alive. Including those times that I’m alive.

Add these strings: 2+2

Tim: Maybe if we ignore it it’ll go away.

Okay, now add these strings: 2 + waggawagglebaggleboo

Tim: Guess not. The answer is that you shouldn’t add strings and numbers together. It should throw a typing mismatch error. Are you so afraid of errors that you can’t even justify that? Why do you do this to me, JavaScript? Why?

Any final words comments?

Tim: When things get difficult, and you have nothing else left to motivate you to wake up in the morning, remember that Thor once said to me “it goes up and then it goes down” when we were playing Path of Exile and we were talking about a teleportation ability that went up and down. Funny shit. Always makes my day when I remember it.

Thor: Yeah me too, actually, that memory is one of my most cherished ones. Oh, that 1:30 AM teenage angst as you fight off the urge to do things you actually want to do. Instead, you end up sitting hunched over a computer keyboard.

Hey, stick around for next week’s installment. Sunday in two weeks.