GYSO Reviews Part 10 - (Paragraphs, or something else later)

Published: 2023-03-26

Thor: I’m a man of few words…

Tim: I’m a man of fewer.

Thor: That’s a good one.

Tim: Hat’s a good Juan.

Thor: Stop copying me.

Tim: Said the paper to the printer. Or something. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. That you’re paper? Reminds me of when I was a kid and thought the television ‘pay-per-view’ thing was ‘paper view’, and I wondered how you could view a movie on paper. Like, would it be a flip book they mail you? Turns out I was just stupid. lmao

Thor: What the..?

Tim: I love how there’s an implicit ‘fuck’ at the end of that. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. So why censor it? Fuck is such a great word! What the fuck. This fucks. Fuck you. Fuck off. Fuck (to express anger). Etc etc. Let the fuck flow through you. Don’t let your dreams be dreams.

Thor: … fuck?

Tim: I want to think of something verbose and funny and not at all relevant to say here, but instead I’m talking about my lack of ideas as a cover up. Is this funny? Is pointing out how little creativity I have amusing? Whatever. Should we come up with literally any direction to take this post? Or are we just going to keep going the way we are?

The Good

Thor: Welcome to this episode of GYSO! … Actually, our producer is saying they’re called GYSO parts. Not episodes. Who’da thunk? In this episode we’ll be reviewing paragraphs (or something else later). Also, Tim will tell you something monumental in The Conclusions, so stick around.

Tim: Of course. And Thor has something he’d like to share with you. He’s nervous so be nice.

Thor: Yes thank you very much. It’s that this episode of GYSO Reviews is about paragraphs (or something else later). But our producer insists on us calling our episodes “parts”. We’ve worked extensively on our preparations for this entry, and Tim will go ahead and tell you The Good about paragraphs (or something else later).

Tim: Thank you Thor. Paragraphs are great for making your eyes not bleed from reading an insurmountable wall of text viewable from space. Not that that really stops people from doing it, but still. I think there’s some languages out there that don’t do paragraphs at all? I don’t know how they deal with it. Anyways, back to Thor with the weather.

Thor: Oh, it’s the usual.

Tim: Damn right. Now to Thor with more weather!

Thor: It’s very normal out there, Tim.

Tim: I need something to work with here man. Please tell me about the weather I’m begging you.

The Bad

Thor: Well there’s a fucking storm out there, okay? There’s … uh … kittens! Falling from the sky! Also, it’s snowing, creating ice puddles on top of federal acid. Alright? The traffic is in chaos. Maybe it ain’t so hot, and I just don’t really feel like talking about the damn weather every day, you know? You seem to stop and think about how the weather is doing, but not how your friend Thor is doing? You want to review the weather? Go right ahead, seeing-face. You obviously didn’t need to talk to me about that though, so go and dry up my nostrils with the dry early spring winds. Give me a nosebleed, come on now, I dare you. Huh? Review the pollen season, mother fucker, show some compassion for the asthmatics and conveniently ignore that I also can perceive the weather. Review my eyeballs, and their function in seeing just how little it means for you to review paragraphs while I am staring at a screen and keyboard with these round spherical seeing-objects that ruminate on sequences of letter-strings, turn into words, spinning me right round, baby right round. Huh? What?

Tim: So… The usual, then?

Thor: Sure is, Jim.

Tim: Sweet. Name’s not Jim, tho. You were close, so you get a D on your ‘Guess Tim’s Name’ report card. Like going to chemistry class and acing a history exam during its finals. Whomp whomp.

Thor: What’s a “report card” and what does a police report have to do with chemistry class?

Tim: Well, we know that American schools and police go together like two hydrogen and one oxygen. Let’s go to the next section quick, before I say something topical.

The Everything Else

Thor: I guess this is where we review “something else later”?

Tim: Look at how far we’ve come.

Thor: Actually, correction on that, this is where we review “… something else later)”.

Tim: That’s a double negative. If we’re reviewing something else in The Everything Else does that mean we’re actually reviewing paragraphs this time? Life is a snake that eats its own tail.

Thor: Sure thing, that makes sense. The paragraph is a part of the written language meant to facilitate communication. That all gets four out of two banana bread popcorn-stains on a new white sofa, from me, Doc.

Tim: There is no Doc. There’s never been any more characters added to this dog gamn fother mucking drain bamaged blog.

Thor: Jesus “Big Erectus Babe” Christ, I was just joking. I’m just calling you Doc like a figurative thing, you know? Come on now, Jim, we’ve known each other for long enough to get past this.

Tim: I will not talk about my problems. Don’t fucking tempt me.

Thor: Alright, I wont. Save that shit for 99 Problems Part 4.

Tim: That’s got to be one of the worst ideas we’ve had for this blog so fart. I mean far. Sorry. I get gassy when my nervous.

Thor: Worse than the reference picture?

Tim: Well the reference picture is special. It doesn’t count. Because it’s a picture, and can’t do arithmetic.

The Conclusions

Thor: It’s official.

Tim: Yep.

Thor: Thanks.

Tim: I guess it’s time for me to reveal that monumental thing.

Thor: Yep.

Tim: I should get to that then, huh?

Thor: Just to clear up any confusion, when you said I had something to share that I was nervous about, I interpreted that as me sharing the topic of this episode of GYSO. So I’ve already said my thing, now you go ahead.

Tim: Yep. The reveal is this. Get ready, because we’re going to carve Goopy Droopy into a fucking mountain. It’ll be… monumental.

Thor: That sure fulfills the critera of the … thing. Whatever it was. That you just wrote down. In a paragraph, I guess? Bringin it full circle. Suck my ass.

Tim: Just to be clear. We aren’t carving a representation of Goopy Droopy into the mountain, we’re carving the actual Goopy Droopy into the mountain.

Thor: Can’t not wait.

Tim: The end. Good bye you robot felons.