GYSO Reviews Part 11 - Quotes

Published: 2023-04-09

Thor: What’s up you melon felons? You munk skunks? You filthy pavlovian dogs? I found another book! This one had a collection of Albert Einstein quotes in it. Let’s hope it’s not as weird as that Common Greetings book.

The Good

The Bad

The Everything Else

“Eating asbestos for dinner is great” - Albert Einstein

Tim: Yeah. Everyone needs a nice last meal. Unfortunetly, this was spoken not by our favorite scientist, but by Elbert Aientein, a local swamp-thing.

“If you push my buttons more then they’ll be pushed.” -Albert Einstein

Thor: I found this in the Great Book of quotes from nASA. Apparently this was said by a drunk janitor the same day that they were working on something related to space. I don’ know who, why, what, or when Albert Einstein got involved, though. I heard from our anonymous big data researcher that the “memes” might be behind the misattributation.

“Don’t piss on the couch.” -Albert Einstein

Tim: Again, with the missattribution. Of course, this one should be labeled ‘Anonymous’, but who am I to judge the architects and aardvarks who read this line, carved unto steel plates bolted into walls of silver, in a room with a decrepid white couch?

“Then the quote book said, "Is this quote from Albert Einstein too?"” -Albert Einstein

Tim: The Quote Book, Bar Man, Simly, Ground Peppercorn, Grounded Peppercorn, Poppa ‘The Grounder’ Peppercorn, Can’t-Spell Peppercron, Pants Of, Sun Wukong, Dan, The Entire State of Alaska, The Foremost Foreman, Blog Inspector, List-Ender.

Thor: Funny story about Ground Peppercorn and Grounded Peppercorn! When we were in Alaska doing some research on the southern Urugay mountain range, we were programming a Teensy microcontroller to do some research on the southern Uruguay mountain range. We had forgotten our ESD-bands but we were fine. Until we weren’t. For obvious reasons, Grounded Peppercorn stayed strong as The Entire State of Alaska shocked him, but of course Ground Peppercorn… went to ground. We mourned his death by dancing the safety dance and spinning around with our arms out.

“Santa Clause is my biggest erectus.” -Albert Einstein

Tim: This one is misatributted because Pickelpedia had a database error that nobody noticed for seventeen years. By the time it was fixed, nobody knew the truth. So it was actually yet another database error. We don’t know which is the real one now.

“Is the answer to this question ‘no’?” -Albert Einstein

Tim: Perhaps.

Thor: Why not?

“Get Your Skills On is a blog where you learn how to draw” -Albert Einstein

Tim: You better, cuz’ we certantly didn’t. Actually attributed to Tim. Or was it Thor?

Thor: The answer to this question is ‘no’.

“Being all out of ass is funnier than being all out of bubblegum” -Albert Einstein

Tim: I actually have, in my collection, a framed photograph proving this was spoken by yo moma.

“Being all out of bubblegum is funnier than being all out of ass” -Albert Einstein

Thor: You see, when I first found the Albert Einstein Big Book Boring Book Barring Bareknuckle Barley, I assumed it would be a bit vetted in terms of quality assurance. But, as you can clearly see, they even include clearly contradictory statements by the Big Man Mr. E! Sun Wukong and I discussed this as we were eating raw bark off a tree, and I couldn’t really hear him because the chewing was so difficult and loud.

“When I was a young boy my father took me into the city to see the marching band” -Albert Einstein

Thor: When I was a young boy I wasn’t because I was growing up but still staying a small boy sometimes until I wasn’t.

“Wake up, grab a brush and put a little makeup,” -Albert Einstein

Tim: I spoke to Goopy Droopy and he said this quote smelled like 2007 YouTube.

“Get Your Tradition On, the follow-up to Get Your Makeup On, sponsored by politics” -Albert Einstein

Thor: I spoke to Goopy Droopy and he said I will smell like Avril Lavigne Forbidden Rose and tax fraud.

“New post every other sunday.” -Albert Einstein

Thor: Only on Mondays at the aquarium. We actually premiere all our posts there, with megaphones, stilts, and clown outfits. Also with security guards promptly and humurously escorting us out on our stilts. At first we got away with it, since we would be too tall for the doors. But eventually we got so good that we walk into the aquarium with stilts on. Nowadays, the Guinness World Record people usually stand there every other Sunday to measure our new “How Low Can You Go” on stilts record. The security guards have started listening to the first sentence or two of the post as well, laughing as they then push us out of the aquarium.

Tim: This is actually from that song you can’t fully remember.

“I survived GYSO Drawing 34.” -Albert Einstein

Tim: You fools. Everyone knows Abert Einstien was too much of a coward for this one.

Thor: But he probably would have liked it.

“Honestly, when you haven’t eaten for a while and you just need something to munch on, eating three McVegans isn’t really that bad of an experience” -Albert Einstein

Thor: This might have been said by one of his dancing partners, actually. Probably Henry.

Tim: Yes. The vegans do tastes better at this time of year.

“I sure hope no one misattribues this quote to Albert Einstein” -Albert Einstein

Tim: This was actually said by Albert. But no the one you’re thinking of, just some other guy with an unfortunetly similar name.

“Don’t give me any of that fucking trident shit” -Albert Einstein

Tim: We all know where this one came from. And it wasn’t the black lagoon.

“I would like to thank ” -Albert Einstein

Tim: I thank, therefore I Sam. It was Sam who said this.

Thor: GYSO for introducing you to Emacs? No, Mr. Einstein, thank you.

“It is with sadness in my heart that I announce the passing of Thim "Thim" Thim. He tragically felled and slipped on the federal acid. His family is currently celebrating at an undisclosed acid party in Uruguay. Goopy Droopy has chosen not to partake.” -Albert Einstein

Thor: This motherfucker hasn’t even read GYSO Drawing Part 31 - Filler 2! How are we supposed to trust books that haven’t even done the bare minimum of research on Thim? I’m starting to think that some of the quotes in this collection of Albert Einstein quotes are incorrect…

“I’ve got ’ 99 PRBLMS’. He evolved into Aggron.” -Albert Einstein

Tim: If I can’t use my Crobat in the battle frontier, I don’t want to do it.

“Vim is the only OS, and GNU is one of it’s kernels.” -Albert Einstein

Tim: It’s like when you’re laying down in bed and you need to pee so bad your bladder is about to burst like it’s about to burst, but you don’t care not one bit please I want this post to end nobody made this quote it doens’t exist run.

“HEllo mother. Rethoric does not span into the actions of coming shall. When the deep well of transient garden conclude in other bi g holes of well of well well HEllo mother. Rhetoric dos not spn it o the act s of co ing sh ll. W t dw t gar concde h ho ew we w l w lw llw lwlw wl HEllo mother.” -Albert Einstein

Tim: Goopy Droopy write this as a small part of his epic poem on the nature of sneezing and the letter W. Please visit your local library for more information.

“You won’t get away with this, BIG BLOB! Not for as long as I am NINJA PERSON, driving this anime plot forward!” -Albert Einstein

Tim: By the powers of friendship, I shall inform you that this quote was not in fact said by Albert Einstien. Also this is spoilers for KARATE BLOB SLAYER, but the ironic situations, like him tripping into a gigantic pair of peaches instead of the woman’s huge boobs, eventually lead to NINJA PERSON dying after his fight with BIG BLOB. His not-quite-love interest, with the aforementioned boobs, must take up the mantle of NINJA PERSON. There’s a whole transformation sequence and everything.

Thor: Cowabunga!

“TARGET AQUIRED. LOCKING IN. BZZZZZZZ.” -Albert Einstein

Thor: Sure thing, Mr. Army General, I don’t think our good pal Albert had the military authority for ordering drone strikes on New Dehli.

Tim: time travel back to when this was said and see for yourself the lies

“According to every known law of aviation, the bee should not be able to fly…” -Albert Einstein

Tim: The quote actually begins with ‘Accordion’, but is otherwise accurate.

“.” -Albert Einstein

Thor: What is this grep string meant to be used for?

Tim: I hate this post. Probably because I’m so tired. I tend to like posts more after they’ve had time to marinate for a year or so.

The Conclusions

Thor: Also this is the Easter post btw.

Tim: Happy bunny day, you indiginous, bald, bald, robots.