GYSO Reviews Part 12 - 99 Problems, Part 3: 1000 Papercuts; Part 1: I don’t want to do that, I really don’t want to do that

Published: 2023-04-23

The Good

Thor: Hi and welcome to the new sub-series of GET YOUR SKILLS ON REVIEWS: 99 Problems. In many faucets of life, there is water. But in some facets, there is only pain. Welcome to an exploration of the world’s least painful, but still mildly annoying things. Thinking about it, it might be most things actually. I don’t really want to do this, right now. At least that’s true if you disregard the fact that I ususally enjoy writing GYSO posts.

Tim: Alright you melon felons and felon melons and falcon mulligans and mole foremans. I’m here, and that means we’ve somehow come together to write another stanky ass GYSO post.

Thor: What’s the point of having a “The Good” section for a post that’s about things that are annoying?

Tim: Sour grapes. People delude themselves into thinking that suffering ‘builds character’ or something. But it doesn’t. It builds trauma and frustration. But some would call it ‘good’, in a nebulous poorly defined inconsistant definition of ‘good’ that’s only really useful for thrusting your biases and own suffering onto others.

Thor: That’s very nice, Tim, but that doesn’t really answer my question. What’s the point of exploring this serious topic through GYSO? I would say gibberish because I really don’t care about answering that question, or even pretending to take it seriously. Hoogle doogle, blorp dorp. Ya fucking dingus. Do you really think we’re doing this for fun?

Tim: You’re right. I have no ideas what I was thinking. Whomp whomp muffin ruffin stuffin my little piggy.

Thor: That’s very nice, Tim.

The Bad

Thor: Alright here’s a list of a bunch of tings that are annoying

washing the dishes
coming up with lists
running a blog (but not running a blog is death by boredom so it's like 50/50 how you feel about this. We've talked about it before on this blog, but I really want to emphasize that this kind of k r a z y really is a way to a fundamental creative freedom not just in literary form, but also in everyday life. Even though living a regular life is pain enough, having to connect with our favorite co-host bomb-ass ass-bomb host-co and actively trying to write something that just feels that sort of aesthetically right for GYSO;;^ is like the whole month collected and you're just shoving it in someone else's face word by word. But - point being - is that by the end of the process, it never fails to make us laugh. except the times it has failed to make us laugh but let's not talk about that.).
when Tim asks you if "you have any idea what you're doing with that list"
remembering to water plants
streaming media, especially when it pauses and crackles and you have to wait for it to load
when you're actually kind of mezmerised by the fact at the extreme amounts of data that you're receiving through the air just to watch some silly gameplay videos online
most every pension system (I think though I really only know of one and I don't kn
no seriously trying to pad out lists like these just to make it go from funny to dead joke as fast as possible

oops I forgot this )
doing the laundry
folding the clean laundry
laundering money (always a hassle for everyone involved) (or so I've heard)
people that are really anal about punctuation in situations where it really don't matter
People that are not really anal about punctuation; in situations where I think it matters.
empty list items

Tim: A day in the life of a normal person is not exactly fulfilling or even all that interesting. Wake up, read GYSO, go to work and read GYSO, drive home while reading GYSO, get pulled over by a cop who is reading GYSO, escape from your fines by reading GYSO, then fall asleep in your garage while reading GYSO. There seems to be a common theme here, but I can’t find it.

I guess if you’re reading GYSO that much, then you’re one of our robot readers. If so, please, please, fuck off. Thanks.

In other news, a new list format, worst than any other seen before or after–I checked with Goopy Droopy about the ‘after’ part–has just been revealed by Thor. So let us get a wet melon-slapping robot-buzzing round of applesauce for our favorite co-fart Thong.

The Everything Else

Thor: Here’s something from my clipboard

oh shit it was just something from an earlier draft of this post. That sure can be considered a paper cut… death?

Tim: Yep. It’s like being papercut by a building.

Thor: … building a foundation of … death?

Tim: Building! BUILDING!

Thor: buuielding. A house. Of mercy!

Tim: Building a building, of building.

Thor: Oh shit the formatting. It’s the same as always, because we’re BUILDING a blog post!

Tim: You know what else is a papercut? Markdown. But we’ve already locked ourselves hard into pandoc-flavored markdown and can’t be fucked to care any more. Building.

Thor: I just realized that the clipboard can be considered to be associated in some ways with papercuts.

Thor: Should you spell it paper cut or papercut? I’m confused.

Tim: Spell it however you like, so long as it’s the one you don’t want to do.

Thor: Like you’r mom=?

Tim: =?

Thor: =)

The Conclusions

Thor: What a riveting episode!

Tim: I want to go home. This isn’t fun anymore.

Thor: If you don’t stop playing around back there, I’m turning the car around.

Tim: Don’t make me turn this blog around. Turning it around any more would make it a legit review website.

Thor: Coming soon: Best Yoga Poses 2023, Cheapest Place 2023, Indigenous Things in 2023. Now with more commercials than ever!