GYSO Reviews Part 18 - Melon 4

Published: 2023-07-16

The Good

Thor: Tim: Get rekt.

Thor: You got me.

Tim: Let’s get sum food lmao, lmao even. I’m in the mood for some beef melonton from the hit hip hit shit new fast food resturant franchise chain, Melon 4. Sponsored by Melon 4.

Thor: Wow! What an experience! We’re going to have F U N! Water YOU going to do now that Melon 4 has come to revolutionize the franchise? Wsponsored by Melon 4.

Tim: CRAZY insane man GOES CRAZY at Melon 4 Melon Number Four CHALLENGE CHALLENGE!

Thor: Alright, I’ve got the methamphetamine, where did you store the monster trucks and Adderall?

Tim: I GOTTEM RIGHT HERE BRRRRRROTHER LETTTTS GOOOOO

Thor: SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!!

Tim: Sponsored by Melon 4.

… and CUT! Great work guys, we’ll do it one more time, but this time try to stick with the original line.

Tim: get out of my head and while you’re at it get out of my head

Thor: Considering the original line is “I’ve got the straightjackets and mufflers, where did you store those socioeconomically exposed minorities”? I would wager I’m doing Melon 4 a favour by using my line.

The Bad

Thor: Since actually nothing is The Good about this place, we’ll just start reviewing menu items. Sponsored by Melon 4.

WATERMELON SLICES

Tim: Tastes like melon sticks with more water.

BEEF MELONTON

Tim: Tastes like beef melonton.

MELON STICKS

Thor: They’re not even fried.

FRIED MELON STICKS

Thor: Tastes like burnt water.

BURNT WATER

Tim: Tastes like melon sticks.

Thor: Wait, did they add that after I wrote about the fried melon sticks?

The Everything Else

Tim: The best part of Melon 4’s offerings is their amazing prices. Now you can afford a melon that you could get at the super market, except this one has a stupid ass name and is up-charged by 500%. My wallet has lost so much weight, its self esteem has shot through the roof, and I don’t have any money left to fix the hole it made when it shot through the roof.

Thor: In other words: Eating at Melon 4 is like a Zumba workout for your wallet.

Tim: Melon 4 is a fad diet for your sorry American ass, and your wallet. You’ll be shitting yourself and your savings!

The Conclusions

Thor: Some would say this whole melon fad in this universe is just one group psychosis, born out of the fear of being left on the soggy remains of this dumb planet when Melon Musk removes himself and those worthy off of it, onto other habitable planets.

Tim: I gotta write something for The Conclusions. Yes I do Thor, this is my blog too.