GYSO Reviews Part 21 - No Refunds Available

Published: 2023-08-27

The Good

Tim: Hey Thor what’s that Squirtle doing? Oh god it’s raising the barametric pressure and we’re all gonna die.

Thor: Hey Tim, how’s it doing that?

Tim: Idk man it was your idea fuck off.

Thor: Could you explain to our readers why we decided to false-start THE SECOND EVER GYSO INTERVIEW?

ALL NEW

ALL GREAT

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE, OUR NEWEST SUBJECT! IT’S LUKE!

Llamas

Using

Keyboards

(To)

Evolve

Tim: We’ve known this guy for as long as we’ve known eachother. So be nice, you robots.

The Bad

The Everything Else

Thor: Can I just start with my first question?

Luke: Is that the first question?

Tim: I’m the one asking questions here.

Thor: We’re off to a great start.

Tim: What is your social security number?

Luke: Uh. I don’t have one. Damn Americans.

Thor: What do you call your equivlant?

Luke: I don’t know what, but we use other things to identify ourselves.

Thor: That’s sensitive information! Could you at least encrypt that in ROT13?

Luke: Nah man they just send it over email in PDF, mate.

Tim: What is the next big thing in tech?

Luke: Have you ever tried making a PBJ sandwhich with a 3D printer?

Tim: Can’t say I have.

Luke: While riding a self-driving unicycle on mars. That’s probably the future. Although if I had my way, I would have a quantum powered toaster that comminicates with your pet goldfish and translates its thoughts into inteerprited dance.

Thor: Why is this such a passion for you?

Luke: I’m a really big fan of dance and bread that has been toasted. I want my pet to feel included. He gets really ansty when left alone; he gets a butterfly knife up to the glass and threatens me with it. I have to keep him happy.

Tim: You saying having a goldifsh ‘included’ with a toaster makes me something else besides interpritive dance.

Tim: Why do you do these things to me?

Luke: Can you elaborate on what ‘these things’ are?

Tim: No!

Luke: I suppose I would have to talk about the meaning of existance. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack in the middle of a bunch of rainbow colored spaghetti.

Thor: This is bad.

Tim: Yeah let’s just end the interview.

Luke: What I’m trying to say, the pineapples do these things.

Thor: I’m out.

Tim: Please.

Luke: I guess I could find a way to please you both, but it’d be pretty hard.

Thor: What have you got to lose??

Luke: A shitty dead-end job. So, not much.

Tim: What a straight answer.

Thor: Not even your family, not even your friends…

Luke: I’m unfamiliar with the term ‘friends’. Oh wait! You mean the TV show. I’m sure they have that in hell.

Tim: Do you have a strong mental association to the word ‘wizard’?

Luke: I think you broke me.

Thor: Do I need to spell it out for you?

Tim: Yeah. W-I-Z-A-R-D.

Luke: *Silence*

Luke: …What?

Luke: No…?

Tim: What Pokemon did you turn into in Pokemon Mystery Dungeon?

Luke: Oh shit. Let me go get my DS.

Thor: See ya in 30 years. He actually dies in the other room lol.

Luke: I actually have my old save. It’s just booting up right now.

Thor: Damn it.

Luke: Explorers of Sky. I was a Squirtle.

Tim: Holy shit we mentioned Squirtle in the first paragraph. I swear that wasn’t planned.

Luke: We are in sync in the corporeal realm that is unknown to the common yellow.

Thor: Why are you like this? (That’s one of my questions, by the way.)

Luke: I spent my formative years as a child with you two fucks. I just come out with non-sequiters and watch people’s brains short circut.

Tim: I’m starting to think I’m a bad influence.

Thor: I’m so glad we have each other. Tim doesn’t know what it’s like, he doesn’t meet any other people.

Thor: Can you get your skills on? I forgot mine at home.

Luke: I have a spare actually!

Thor: Thanks.

Thor: What’s your favourite thing about GYSO?

Tim: Not reading it, probably.

Luke: I really liked when you were actually trying to draw, before what could only be described as ‘early warning signs for psychopathic tendancies’.

Thor: In what ways would you say that Thor is the better GYSO member?

Luke: That’s a really tough one, considering that the bar is so low… I’d say, probably, you’re better because the name ‘Thor’ is better. You hear ‘Tim’ and you think of a buisness man in a suit.

Thor: Oh, you’re thinking of our accountant dragon Snag’darr.

Luke: Are you going to compensate financially for the psychoanalytic help I need after this?

Thor: laghs

Tim: What is your opinion on socks?

Luke: I mean, they’re pretty good, because you know what happens when you don’t wear socks. I’m going to send a picture, and you gotta put it on the blog.

Tim: No.

Thor: Have you heard?

Tim: Man these questions suck ass.

Thor: HAVE YOU HEARD?

Luke: You sound really far away, I can’t hear you.

Thor: … have you heard?

Luke: Sorry I’m having trouble hearing you.

Thor: HAVEN’T you heard???

Luke: Yes.

Thor: Thank you, finally.

Tim: Are you here, or are we just hearing a very well timed recording?

Luke: in a monotone voice THAT’S A GREAT QUESTION THOR. I have to say my greatest achievement is keeping in contact with you two for all these years. End of side B, please turn over to side B.

Thor: What happens next?

Luke: I’ll probably be dead by 2024, so not much really.

Thor: I hate it when that happens.

Tim: Wow what a downer. Not that I disagree.

Thor: I don’t know what I’m more interested in about that; the way you die, or the fact that you’ll be dead.

Luke: It IS going to be the CIA. I know what happened to JFK. *more incoherent rambling*

Thor: What does it feel like to be a part of GYSO?

Luke: I feel like the main character from the movie ‘Split’. Diverging into multiple different personalities, and one of them is ‘The Beast’ who is immune to bullets.

Thor: What’s your interests?

Luke: My main interest is discovering conspiracies within the CIA. Also crochet.

Tim: What’s your interest rates?

Luke: I don’t look when I sign anything. So I have no clue.

Thor: Is there a question you would like to ask us?

Luke: When do I get payed?

Thor: I can answer this immediately. You don’t.

Tim: Have you SEEN us review our finances?

Thor: Who, or what, is your favorite GYSO character that isn’t Tim or Thor?

Luke: Thim.

Thor: Can you draw a box for us?

Luke: Yeah yeah yeah.

Tim: You’re going to have to send that as an e-mail to me.

Luke: Watch watch watch, watch.

*watching Luke draw a box*

Tim: Will you answer this question with ‘no’?

Luke: No.

Tim: Just dig into the paradox, fuck it.

Thor: If you could co-review something on GYSO, what would you like to review?

Luke: We should review website design of Bad Dragon.

Thor: What’s Bad Dragon?

Thor: OH I DON’T WANT TO CLICK ON THAT

Thor: I wonder if this says more about me or about you guys…

Tim: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Thor: Hypotethical: A person you find attractive starts talking to you. What do you do?

Luke: Well that’s just unrealistic. I don’t need to think about this, because it won’t happen. Or it’s a robot on a dating app.

Tim: What is Busy Beaver 69?

Luke: I imagine it’s a beaver, who’s really busy, and as aschieved the rank of 69.

Thor: Please answer in Jeapordy form: This man came about as a mistake from a disease.

Luke: I never watched Jeopardy. Who is Thor?

Thor: I didn’t think I would feel disappointed and sad about that, but I do.

Tim: It had to be one of us.

Thor: The answer, of course, is Tim Thim!

Thor: What’s your number one tip for keeping plants happy? I just got some new flower pots.

Luke: You know how some poeple have green thumbs? I have brown thumbs. A plant will see me and just wilt.

Thor: It’s all good with you being ugly and all, but you don’t have to put your thumbs up your ass.

Tim: Talk about a withing glare.

Tim: How did you like the interview?

Luke: What was the question? I wasn’t listening.

The Conclusions

Thor: It was all a dream. The Edn.