GYSO Reviews Part 25 - This Blog Sucks
Published: 2023-10-22
Thor: This blog sucks. Let’s categorize the ways in which this is true.
Tim: This blog sucks.
The Good
Tim: This blog sucks.
Thor: This blog sux. What are we even doing here? Reviewing the smell of foot lettuce? Pretending we have a cool accountant dragon.
Snag’darr: What?
Thor: Yeah, I mean we do have an accountant dragon, just not a very cool one.
Snag’darr: That’s rude, but you seem upset so I’ll let it slide.
Tim: Hey Snag’darr, can you pull me out of this quagmaire of debt I’ve forced me, myself, my dogs, my family, and this blog into through copius amounts of drinking, parties, and buying paper from the book store?
Snag’darr: …
Tim: This blog succs. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Tim: This blog sucks. There’s so many words and nothing written. It’s an exercise in nothing, zero carbs, zero calories, zero substance.
Thor: Over the course of a year we have accomplished the following on this blog:
And that about wraps it up.
Tim:
Thor: So we started off strong with Reviews: Part 1. We got the number right, so I’ll call it win.
Tim: No we actually started with the avacado post you geriatric twenty-something. Get your head out of the clouds that look like your ass.
Thor: Okay calling me geriatric just because I’m dumb is one thing, but calling me by my age is a low blow, you logophile.
Tim: Low? Bitch I’m a limbo champion.
Thor: No surprise you’re winning. At the cost of your precious lumbar support. Man, you gotta keep in shape and working your body away for limbo isn’t a good path for you to go down.
Snag’darr: This blog sucks.
Thor: I agree.
The Bad
Tim: So, really, what’s bad about this blog? Besides it sucking, of course. We all know that, so stop saying that this blog sucks. Saying that this blog sucks sucks, so stop sucking like this blog might or might not suck. Suck.
Thor: For starters we have a million different characters, most of them being unimportant (like us).
Tim: Yes truly we’re the least important characters in GYSO.
Thor: Considering we run the thing, we must be the least worthwhile characters in it’s so-far established universe. But also some of the least manevolent, I bet.
Tim: Really the biggest problem is that we want this blog to do too many things at once. A story, a universe, a comedy, prose, a play, and on and on. Something’s gotta give.
Thor: Which has put us in a situation where nobody can really understand what GYSO is. Not even us.
Tim: Yeah. Not that there’s anyone who reads this shit. Because it sucks.
Thor: And there’s the literal flying snot monster.
Goopy Droopy: (flying past outside) Hello!
Thor: … And there he goes…
Tim: What a mad lad.
Thor: The very definition of a “chad”. Minus all the parts that make up a “chad” and plus a bunch of sentient flying snot monster things.
Tim: Anyways, this blog has sort of stagnated. Or at least that’s how it feels to me and Thor, whom I speak for all the time and he always agrees always.
Thor: Now, I will give our critics (of which there are none) one thing: It never even got moving. There’s nothing in GYSO to really stagnate. But that’s what we’ll call this blog, that t o t a l l y s u c k s.
Tim: There’s no critics, because nobody knows this blog exists.
Thor: That’s right. Now this.
The Everything Else
Thor: Aaaand we’re back.
Tim: No.
Thor: Yes?
The Conclusions
Tim: So now that that’s covered. What do we do about it?
Thor: The Conclusions: Suck my ass
Okay what’s one thing you like about GYSO?
Tim: I like how fun it is to write and read, except when it isn’t like this post holy shit we’ve reached a new low. How low can you go? Because I’m bending over backwards enough to do an ostrich impression.
Thor: ba bo ba ba ba. ba bo ba ba ba. ba bo ba ba ba. ba bo ba ba ba
Tequila!
Tim: And the rants too! Those are fun. Just shit out and spew and spray and pray all that gooey nonensense from my fingers into my keyboard across this old ass wire into this older ass computer. Just saying whatever I want and letting it out.
Thor: Speaking of gooey nonsense, there he comes again.
Goopy Droopy: (flying past) Hello again!
Thor: (slightly bored/distant) Yes. Hello, Goopy.
One thing I really like about GYSO is you, Tim.
Tim: Thanks. I like me too.
Thor: You’re welcome.
Tim: Well the moment’s passed.
Thor: Tequila!
Tim: This blog sucks. Do you have any suggesions to fix it? Any death flags to raise, perhaps? Wink wink nudge nudge.
Thor: We could
Maybe
Uhhh
Sometimes it feels like we get a new good idea, like the vandalism thing. And the part where we made up a cool dragon, and talked about Santa and his ruthless war techniques and kind of laying low on whatever Melon Musk is doing and introducing random characters that interact funny with Thim and not to mention the appearance and the prompt dissapearance of Thum, and the narrator-totally-not-a-narrator-character that sometimes freak me out, and going back to a surprisingly intuitive back-and-forth in this
Tim: Baby shark do do doo do do doo…
Thor: era of GYSO writing between you and me just going back and forth riffing for eternity, and me finding my voice in a really exiting way next to your madness while taking stances on the universe and changing directions, and lastly the simple fact that we still keep doing new gimmicks no matter how many times we’ve said we’ve stagnated or whatever.
But god damn, I just want to go home.
Tim: There’s no deliverence from this madness. Not without the help of all of our friends!
Thor: Which is why we’ve planned something very special for the last next episode of GYSO.
Part, sorry. Next part of GYSO Reviews.
So write down the names of your favorite GYSO characters on a small note, and then go to your nearest bank while wearing a big fluffy coat with the hood up and come back next tim
e!
Tim: FSDKFJSDLFJKLSDFJKSDKLAFJSDKA
Thor: If you’re wondering, I asked Tim if we should pivot the post to start writing in an English-German accent. That is, spelling out the phonetics in a way as to sound as though we’re speaking English with a German accent. Some ideas are worth saving, I guess.
bye
Tim: Buy gold bye!