GYSO Reviews Part 3 - Common Greetings

Published: 2022-12-18

for Thor “ayo bros it’s time” Boi

for Tim “One large fries and a jumbo vanilla milkshake” Boi

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The Good

Tim:

Welcome back to the lab again, you living robot funky lunkeys. Today we’re going to be reviewing common greetings. And by reviewing I mean, of course, ‘reviewing’. Deliver me from this hell.

Thor:

Ayo bros, it’s time. Ya’ll melon felons be spinning records, making sound financial choices? Last week I was at my local library when I stumbled across a really old book. It was written by some English guy in the early 1700’s, it had one of those really old hard covers with no text on it, but the title was “Common Greetings”.

The author had apparently been traveling across the world, and had a penchant for what greetings were common in what contexts. You know how some situations call for a firm handshake and a solid “Hello, nice to meet you, I’m a moist fungus waiting to be picked by a suitable single male from your area.”? While other contexts are fine with a slight nod and a smile. Like when you’re waiting at the public urinals, and a tiny unicorn bursts out of the chest of the guy standing behind you, making you trip and fall to the floor hastily, yet gracefully, leaving you looking the guy in front of you straight in the eyes just as he’s shaking it.

Greeting: ‘Here comes dat boi’

O’ shit waddup?

9/10

The Bad

Tim:

Greeting: ‘Hello yes this is dog’

This greeting was devised by the sick mind of King William IV before he sneezed a certain snot monster into existence. You see, his mind was falling apart in madness because of the ancient GYSO lore in Drawing Part 9, and he wanted to welcome his son, Wing Killiam VI, into his medical bed chambers, so he wrote this greeting into the walls of the walls, never to be seen again by mortal eyes–except for all the mortal eyes that saw it.

In the modern day, this phrase is used by my local flock of melon felons as a sign of respect.

6/10

Thor:

Greeting: ‘Do you want to make Runescape bots?’

The book was being very strange about this greeting, tracing it’s origin to the dawn of civilization. I could swear this entry did change in between me reading it, but nonetheless, it was used to described a supposed evil world force from outside this world. As for today, the only place you’d hear this phrase uttered is, supposedly, in certain areas of Venezuela. Though I’m aware that Jagex is working somewhat on combating the long-term issues caused by RWT in the Runescape economy.

Nonetheless, in the early civilization, it was rumored that the legendary PK’ers were part of a secret society that supported the Runescape botters. They would stage military takeovers, bribe government officials, place items with the barcode facing the wrong direction at the supermarket, and commit mass genocide.

7/10

Tim:

Greeting: ‘Sir, is this your towel?’

In the lovely saunas of the international waters of the Pacific ocean, this was devised as a code to mean ‘you want sum fuk?’. It’s like an invitation to join the mile high club, except it’s a lawless wasteland. The towel is a metaphor for my gigantic penis, and wanting it is a metaphor for my gigantic penis.

10/10 Too much water

Tim:

Greeting ‘Can I borrow that for my nephew’s birthday party?’

I think we all know that someone’s nephew’s birday’s party’s is a magical time in every young adult/yung adult’s life. But it’s usually impolite to brag about it to someone, so this greeting was created to tell people that you’re invited to your’re’res’s nephew’s birthday party and also look at me I’m so cool to have a nephew’s birthday party.

Basically, it’s all signaling.

4/10

The Everything Else

Tim:

Greeting: ‘One large fries and a jumbo vanilla milkshake, please’

This one was actually just printed on the receipt bookmark that someone else used in the book before us. But we chose to think of it as a greeting anyways.

Thor:

Actually the receipt wasn’t the only bookmark! There was also, strangely enough, some text snippets from early GYSO Drawing. Some parts about the demonic ritual Tim used to revive me, something about Goopy Droopy, and I can’t remember what else. Whoever read this before us must have been a fan or something.

The Conclusions

Thor:

I’d like to thank the strange English man for blessing us with this idea for a review. As a result we’ve gotten a GYSO post that I’m sure you - the reader - have enjoyed, and understood, reading smell ya later, alligator.

Tim:

In the land of greetings, why can’t I say farewell?