GYSO Reviews Part 37 - The Magnus Arc
Published: 2024-04-07
Thim: Fuckin Magnus, how does it work?
Thim watches his neighbour paint the fence around her house.
Sara: Oh, you load in a paint canister right… here
Sara jerks her enormous powertool with ease, so Thim gets a really good long look at it. It spits white paint all over the fence.
Thim: That’s pretty cool. Also sexually charged lol.
Sara: There’s a lot more it can do. I call my tool ‘Magnus’.
Thim: Does… does it have… PSYCHOTIC ABILITIES?!?!
Sara: What?
Thim: Shut up, you’re being weird. Anyways, what are you doing living next to my house?
As Thim is talking, he leans back into a portable hammok, wearing nothing but a portable hammock above his revealing speedos.
Sara: I’m your neighbor. I’ve lived here for months now. We’ve talked several times. The first time, you asked me if we’ve met before.
Thim looks around the.
Thim: Hey, did you remove the.
Sara: Ye.
Thim: Also, the warning sign for the bird bath, what happened to that?
Sara: I changed it into more bird bath. Look!
There is, indeed, a tiny bird bath grafted onto the larger one, crafted out of warning sign. Neat.
Thim: Neat.
Sara: I know you’re a NEET.
Thim: What?
Sara: What?
There’s a sudden flash inside of Sara’s house.
Thim: Hey there’s a sudden flash inside of your house.
Sudden Flash: Hello, I am The Flash from the comic books. This scene is protected under Fair Use laws.
Sara: That happens, sometimes. I don’t mind it.
Thim: Cool. I guess it’s time to leave this conversation now.
Thim fucking yeets out of there. It’s exactly as cringe as you’re imagining.
There is a knocking at Thim’s door (that is, what remains of Thim’s door).
Thim: Go away! I’m not home!
Sara: I got homemade cookies!
Thim appears at the door (that is, what remains of the door) like he teleported there. Like a sudden flash, you could say.
Sudden Flash: Hello there, I heard there’s homemade cookies being served?
Sara: Go away!
Thim: Go away!
Thim: Anyways. Gimme does cookees yoo.
Thim aquires the cookies and fucks right off.
Sara walks away and takes out her pager.
Sara (on the pager): Alright Albert, I’ve gotten closer to The Immortal.
Albert (through dance): Good, keep it up. Slow and steady.
Sara (you get it): Understood, sir. Agent Spinach out.
Sara (to herself this time lol): Why did I let the vegans choose my agent name…? Damn that Commander Pimple-Popper and his weirdly popular YouTube channel.
On his way to steal Sara’s morning paper, Thim is unexpectedly greeted.
Sara: Look, you can just have the paper okay? But can I just tell yo–
Thim: You’ll never take me alive, government plant!!
Thim gets jumpscared and scuttles away like a crab. But he moves very slowly, so he would in fact be very easy to catch alive. Not that you could ever catch him dead, considering everything, but still…
Sara: How does he know…? I’m going to have to report this.
One day, Sara is standing on the GYSO mansion grounds with her enormous powertool, Magnus. That is to say, the powertool is standing, and she’s standing with it.
Sara: Look, you’re gonna let me do this!
Thim is eating rocks, watching through a rock with a hole in it while standing next to the broken kitchen window (they were broken with a rock). Henry’s there too, but he’s not doing anything this scene because of blog budget cuts.
Thim: No! Last time they tried to put a small army on me, and they still couldn’t kill me.
Sara: The army was trying to kill Thor and Tim! Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t want to kill you.
She is flaunting her enormous powertool, Magnus. It’s set to Maximum Magnus
mode.
Thim: Okay, alright, so you want to torture me? Because that doesn’t really work.
Sara: You are the most difficult person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting, you know that? Fuck you, and fuck you for not accepting this!
Thim: Well fuck you too! I don’t want you to fix my windows! Last time I updated, it broke all my software!
Sara: What are we even talking about?!?!
The next morning, a heap of older windows were left on Thim’s front lawn with a note.
Don’t step in the glass. You have three options:
- Let me install my old windows in your house.
- Install them yourself.
- Incur the wrath of the government.
- Get rid of them yourself.
Thim: Obviously, number four out of the three available options is the easiest one. H E N R Y!! THERE’S CHORES FOR YOU!
Henry floats over to the windows and tries to lift them into the dumpster conveniently placed right next to the pile that has always connonically been there. The dumpster is the canon. Not a cannon. But like meta-contextual cannon. Yeah.
Unfortunately for Henry, the windows weigh more than two pounds of feathers, so they are too heavy for him to lift with his PSYCHOTIC. ABILITIES?!?!~!?!?!?.
The.
The next day, Sara is using her powertool to install the windows. She is swinging her multi-functional powertool, Magnus, as she gracefully helps Thim reduce his power and heat bill that the Government is secretly subsidizing since Thim can’t even afford a big ol’ shitty on his desk.
Sara: On another note, do you know there’s help you can get?
Thim: I don’t need no help.
Thim has no idea what a double negative is. Meanwhile, he has managed to get caught in his portable hammock and cannot get out. More like refuses to get out, but it’s the same thing with him to be honest.
Sara: No, more like therapy and stuff. I mean, you were literally created from disease, and have be(e/a)n through some pretty traumatic incidients. Did you say Thor and Tim tortured you in the basement?
Thim: I don’t remember, and I don’t care to check, either. Maybe I was just tied up with pipe cleaners? That sounds up their alley.
Sara: …
Thim: Wait, wait, did you just call me a disease?
Sara: Uh, nevermind that. I finished the windows.
Magnus makes a cool sci-fi whirring sound, vibrates gently, and steam shoots out of some sort of vent. It throbs, for no reason. After its neon lights have stopped glowing, Thim faintly spots that it is set to Maximum Pleasure
.
Thim: Fuckin Magnus, how does it work?
Sara: I’ll tell you if you get some therapy.
Thim: Nevah!!!
So anyways Thim gets therapy. Tune in next time for the aftermath of that.