GYSO Reviews Part 47 - EAT BEES

Published: 2024-08-25

CASE STUDY 8008135, Codename ‘EAT BEES’:

Situation summary: At approx. noon, Aug 25 2024, a so-called ‘blog post’ was uploaded on the ultra-popular and renouned blogging website `www.getyourskillson.com’. This post, amongst other less important trivial passages, encouraged its readers to, quote, ‘EAT BEES’ (capitalization is emphesis provided by the post itself).

This had some sort of mnemonic effect on many of its readers. Affected readers would go to websites pertaining to the purchace of Apis mellifera, or the common honey bee, in order to purchase a large quanitity of bees. They would then, in defiance of the natural laws of sanity and good sense, consume said bees to, quote, “GET SWOLE”. It is believed that this pertains to the swolen wounds common from bee stings.

The post is listed below, in full. It has been scrubbed of all supernatural mnemonic effects. However, if you obtain a craving for chitin after reading, report to a superior immedietly.

WELCOME TO THE GYSO BEE PLOT

EAT BEES

YOU GET SWOLE

(IF UR ALLERGIC)

EAT BEES

ONLY BEES

START A BEE FARM IN THE CORNER OF YOUR APARTMENT

GET YOUR FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES STUNG LIKE THEY NEVER HAVE EXPERIENCED BEFORE

GO BEE YOURSELF!

EAT BEES

ONLY BEES

YOU SHOULD ONLY EAT BEES

YOUR LIFE IS HARD?

IT DO BEE LIKE THAT SOMETIMES

GET A BUZZ CUT GROW A BEARD

STINGER? I BARELY KNOW ’ER

GLAD TO MEET YOU? NAH, GLAD TO BEE YOU

I’LL BEE HERE ALL WEEK

I’LL BEEEEEEE RIGHT BAAACK!

ALRIGHT, I’M BEECK!

[redacted for reader saftey]

BLACK AND YELLOW ARE THE NEW YELLOW AND BLACK

A related incident occurred a day before the ‘EAT BEES’ post was uploaded. Subject ‘Immortal’, known as Thim, and Subject ‘Girl Power’ Sara, visit a physician to assist Thim in healing his various bee-related injuries*, mostly revolving around the mouth and facial area.

The transcript is listed below.

*This is also the first recorded instance of Thim being injured in any way. It is unknown how this happened, or why. Investigations are underway.

Thim: (muffled) You see, doc. I read this cool blog post about eating bees – as a strict diet – and I thought I might as well give it a sh–

Doctor: Did you eat any bees?

Thim: Did I eat any bees? (massive gulp as he suffers moving literally anything around his face) No, I wouldn’t say that.

Doctor: But your entire face is swollen from bee stings on both the outside and inside?

Thim: They were my firends, doc! I had them in a cozy little home at the corner of my living room, some of them had started on a hive in the sofa… I wasn’t eating just any bees, it was Rudy, Gudy, 💩udy, Audy, Budy, 👽udy, 🍔udy, Cudy, Dudy, among us others!

As Thim is finishing his sentence (the prison kind), he sort of just collapses into unconciounseness.

Sara: It’s his blog.

Doctor: What?

Sara: He got the tips to eat bees from his own blog. He didn’t read it somewhere, he made it up and then went out and tried it. What an idiot. I didn’t even think he could be put unconcious from pain, that’s a strange development…

As if he had planned a really bad practical joke, Thim springs from his position into proudly standing on his legs, arms at his hips, and grinning as wide as his swollen face allows. If he had a superhero theme, it would be playing right now.

Thim: That’s right! I can’t bee killed!

Sara proceeds to leave the room, the building, then the nation, swatting away rogue bees as she leaves. The doctor facepalms. The only one who seems to be having a good time is Thim.

It is the opinion of the Government that all future Get Your Skills On posts be screened for hazards going forth. Contact has already been made with their web hosts to assist in this endevor.

Signed,

ALBERT