GYSO Reviews Part 48 - Month of the Month of the Month of the…

Published: 2024-09-08

5:00 AM

Thim awakens to a loud knocking, knocking on his chamber door. Or the chamber doorframe, considering the door has been blown off its hinges for like forty posts now.

With the dexterity bourne of a truly unreal amount of practice, Thim takes only two hours to load up his historically accurate musket before finally turning to greet the chamber door(frame).

7:00 AM

In the GYSO mansion kitchen, Henry watches as two delivery people discuss their deliveries while sipping on some of Thim’s coffee.

He overhears them talking about ‘The Month of the Month Club’ and them ‘sending their regards’.

If Henry had blood, it might have frozen in his veins. As it stands he just wriggles a bit.

He’s gotta tell Thim.

7:05 AM

Henry floats down the hall and makes it to Thim’s chamber door(frame). There he sees the scene of Thim wielding a historically accurate musket, and a totally unharmed bunny perched, perched upon his chamber door(frame).

Henry: Thim, I gotta tell you!

Bunny: Father, don’t you love me anymore?

Thim: Everyone calm down! STOP YELLING! I’ve got this UNDER! CONTROL!

8:00 AM

A dragon wakes up in the back yard. Using bullshit contrived dragon powers, he realizes something’s wrong.

8:30 AM

Thim: Okay. So what’s the problem?

Henry: The problem is that we’re–

Snag’darr: Thim! We’re stuck in a time loop!

Bunny: Father. Bring me milk. And loops. I hunger.

Sara: Hey I’m here to start fixing the door today!

Magnus–the power tool Sara wields–whirres. That’s such a strange word. Why do you have that word in your language?

Thim: Great. We’re all stuck in a time loop. What about it? If it’s like anything like that thing in Skegness, we’ll be done here by the end of the afternoon!

4:00 PM

Thim: Okay, so it looks like we won’t find a solution to this thing in the near-term. Albert said he’d work on it, but we’ll probably have to start over once the time loop hits. Which we still don’t know when it’ll–

5:00 AM

Thim awakens to a loud knocking, knocking on his chamber door(frame).

Bunny: Father. The loops. They twist like strands of hair.

Sara looks at the kitchen clock.

Sara: Is that thing right or is it broken like everything else in this place?

Henry sprints–for a certain definition of ‘sprints’–into the kitchen. Thim comes in too with the Bunny.

Snag’darr is close behind.

(The delivery people still look confused, but not as much as you might expect. It’s an occupational hazard of their line of work.)

Thim: So we’re in a time loop. And everything resets when it resets, right?

Snag’darr: Yes. I used my dragon accountant-slash-laywer powers to confirm it.

Thim: Which means that there’s even fewer concequences for my actions now?

Nobody is happy about this revelation. Except for Thim, obviously.

Everybody sprints to hold Thim down on the floor. Sara reinstalls the door. Everybody walk the dinosaur.

8:00 AM

Henry: Oh hiya, by the way, guys?

Sara and Snag’darr glances at Henry. Thim tries to chug some cheap whiskey, but it’s out of reach.

Henry: The delivery people are still out there. Standing with their pointy ears and obnoxious ringtones. Menacingly.

Bunny: Woof.

Thim: Did you just fucking woof?

Bunny: …

1:00 PM

Thim: Okay, so Albert says he’ll keep working on–

Sara: As I was saying, Albert’s saying he’ll keep working–

Snag’darr: Albert says he’ll keep working on the time loop but doesn’t have any idea on when there will be progress.

Since Thim is being held down by everyone, it created some issues on the responsibility of calling Albert.

Henry: You say ‘when there will be progress’, but does that even make sense in this situation? What does ‘when’ mean now?

Snag’darr: If you don’t stop, Henry, I’m going to pour vodka into your pot. Do you have any kings?

4:00 PM

Thim: Can I please do something unhinged? Pleas–

5:00 AM

You have never in your life seen a dragon, a plant, and a woman sprint to a room so fast.

5:15 AM

Elf: And the Month of the Month Club ‘sends their regards’. Whatever that means.

Thim: Oh that’s what this is. I knew those idiots shouldn’t have gotten a sponsor. Especially not a sponsor from… whatever entities run the Month of the Month Club.

Elf Two: I’m here too!

Elf Two waves at everyone. Nobody waves back.

Bunny: I hate mondays.

Thim: That’s right buddy. You can’t spell lasgna without laughter.

8:00 AM

There’s two cardboard boxes on the kitchen table.

Henry: Okay I talked to Albert already–depending on your definition of ‘already’! He’s sounding a bit annoyed and just told me to hold tight while he figures things out :) Who wants lasagna for breakfast, I sure am hungry!

1:00 PM

It’s raining outside the GYSO mansion.

Wait, it’s raining outside the GYSO mansion?

Thim: Hey guys, it’s raining outside the GYSO mansion.

Snag’darr: Wait, it’s raining outside the GYSO mansion?

Henry: Exciting! I’m getting wet (˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵) because it’s raining outside the GYSO mansion.

Thim: Henry, please. This is serious. It’s raining outside the GYSO mansion.

Bunny: I wish to be wet too, father.

Thim: *sobbing*

(Thim’s sobbing isn’t noticed, because it’s raining outside the GYSO mansion.)

4:00 PM

Thim: So does anyone know why it rained this time or does anyone have any–

5:00 AM

Faster than lightning, the gang(tm) make their way to Thim’s room to stop him from being… Thim.

Gotcha! Thim has already prepared the ethanol by his bedside! And the lighter! And the battery acid! And the exposed copper wires! He’s drinking and pourin’ so early in the morning it’s almost a new personal record.

*BANG*

*BOOM*

*BAZINGA*

The explosions (plural) rock the GYSO mansion before the gang(tm) can reach their target.

5:05 AM

Elf: Are you guys alright?!

Elf Two: Home sweet home. That didn’t happen yesterday, though?

Elf and Elf Two reminisce about the north pole, where random explosions are commonplace. Except when there’s visitors, so that it doesn’t contradict the events of Thim’s visit.

Henry: Oh boy, I’m still wet from all that rain. I’m positively soaking! (✿◠‿◠)

5:10 AM

Snag’darr: I think something’s happening.

Sara: No shit Sherlock?! What gave it away, the explosions or the explosion?

Snag’darr: No, not that. That’s normal. I mean the rain. Why did it–

Thim: Hey guys! Why was there rain on the last loop? That’s weird, right? Or wired, in the case of this car battery I’m going to drop into the bathtub.

Thim shrugs.

Thim: Anyways, no need to think about that too much. Sara, do you have any fives, while I go take care of business? And can someone check if there’s any more food left?

Thim gestures with the car battery, making it clear what his ‘business’ will entail.

4:00 PM

Sara: Did we really just play Go Fish for ten hours and fifty min–

5:00 AM

Thim awakens to the loud sound of knocking, knocking on his… No matter, there’s a smell of burning in his room.

Wait! That’s the sound of support beams falling, falling upon his dumb fucking face. What a loser. His room’s still destroyed.

Thim: NOOOOO! DAMN YOU ‘CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS’!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE A FICTIONAL THING, BUT YOU’RE REAL!! ALL TOO REAL!!

…7:00 PM, according to the kitchen clock

Sara: Hey does the kitchen clock run correctly?

Henry: Yup! I enchanted it myself with my PSYCHOTIC ABILITIES?!?!

As Sara sets Magnus up against the failing wall in Thim’s room, she’s talking.

Sara: Then why does it say 7:== PM?

Snag’darr: Hey guys, I talked to Alber– Why did you say equals twice?

Sara: Someone has to know how to read in this house, Snag’darr.

Snag’darr: I will not qualify that with a response. Now, I talked to Alb–

Thim: Hey guys Albert just called! He’s super pissed that we’ve called him three days in a row about a ‘fake time loop’–his words, not mine.

The sound of support beams failing has gotten more distant. It’s not coming from inside the house anymore.

Henry: Look!

Outside the GYSO mansion kitchen window, the sky is crumbling. It looks like… Night? No, day. What?

??? PM and/or AM

They all look up at the ‘sky’ as it cumbles like a bad, dry, awful cookie that nobody actually wants to eat if they have a choice.

Just outside the mansion grounds…

Elf: Darn it! We worked hard on that, the papier maché took me hours!

Elf Two: Damn. Guess this operation’s a bust. Heh, bust.

A shadowy figure appears behind them, laughing low and dire.

Thim: Oh? What’s this I hear?

Elf: He’s right behind us.

Elf Two: Run? But I am conflicted, since I want to thank him for saving us from that eel when we went to the north pole…

But Elf is already gone. Elf Two quickly follows.

Thim: Welp. That’s the end of that adventure! Sara, could you please fix… all of this?

He gestures to the almost entierly destroyed mansion, the yard littered with fallen sky, and way-too-tall grass that’s grown because the lawn mowers couldn’t get past the Month of the Month Club cordon around the mansion.

Sara: I have better things to do. I’ll have Albert send someone over.

Henry: The real time loop was the friends we made along the way!

Everyone just sort of stares awkwardly at each other before going about their day again.

THE DIES

THE END