GYSO Reviews Part 53 - Behold the fields in which I grow my fucks, despair for it is barren’s Paradise

Published: 2024-11-17

Thim walks home from the valley of death, and he fears no vacation in the GYSO Isn’t Real Prison. Currently, he’s in a foggy spooky forest that’s totally haunted.

Evil ghost: ÁÁÁyyyy

Thim: What was that sound?

Evil ghost: I am the ghost of GYSO Past! Heed my warning–

Thim: Nah. Bye.


Sara: Do you realize what you’ve made me into?

Thim: An accomplice?

Sara: No! A compliance officer!

Bunny: You should become a rapper.

Sara: What do you mean?

Thim: My bunny isn’t mean. Take that back!

Sara lets her hand meet the entirety of her forehead. Thim imitates this, but his hand-forehead coordination is sub-par, so it’s only like a quarter of her forehead. Her forehead.

Sara: Stop.

Thim: No.

Sara: … You see, when you went to prison for an indiscriminate amount of time–also known as a month, according to the Month of the Month Club – Albert relocated my assignment to doing GDPR tasks! I work from home now! I’m so sick of cookies and privacy!

Thim: The hell’s GDPR mean? Is that another GYSO ripoff? I’ll fucking kill them!! Are we even in Europe?

Sara: Why would you ask what GDPR is, and then ask if we’re even in Europe as if you understand what GDPR is??

Thim: Oh, is this a Swede-ism?

(Indiscriminate yelling from Sara. End scene. Edit this later.)


Thim makes it back to the GYSO Mansion without any further quirky adventures, besides the obvious, of course.


A literal spaceship lands on the GYSO Mansion grounds. Melon Musk comes out of the ‘ship’, melon people roll out a red carpet so he doesn’t have to sully his shoes with GYSO Mansion dirt – known as the dirtiest dirt to ever do it.

Melon Musk has a megaphone. He doesn’t use it, but he has it.

Melon Musk: I’M HERE TO COLLECT! FOR MY MONEY BITCHES!!

Melon Musk is showing off a gold tooth, a purple silk cape, a king’s crown on his head, and he is wielding a literal battleaxe in his remaining hand. The other hand has been cut off, from the aforementioned battleaxe.

Snag’darr: Whatever do you mean, sir Melon?

Melon Musk: DON’T GIVE ME THAT LIP, DRAGON!

Snag’darr: … I’m a reptile, I don’t have lips. Right?

Snag’darr tries to smack his lips, to predictably abysmal results.

Melon Musk: YOUR ALOE VERA PLANT OWES ME LIKE FOUR THOUSAND BUCKS!

The spaceship sound system starts playing Gangster’s Paradise by KCoolio. Henry floats out of the already-broken window with his PSYCHOTIC ABILITIES?!?!.

Henry: But I already payed you! :O

Thim: (eating popcorn, wearing 3D glasses upside down) Wait. Is this a pun? Is he actually asking for bucks, as in the animal? Deer? Besides, isn’t the choice of song a bit distasteful?

Melon Musk: WAY TO RUIN THE JOKE ASSHOLE!

Melon Musk flies away in his spaceship, Gangster’s Paradise fading away with a Doppler effected warped ‘I walk through the vallllllleeeeeyyyyy…’

Thim: Well that was dumb. Why did he just up and fricking leave? Gotta keep it fucking family friendly.

Thim goes to grab his ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

phone out of his ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

pocket to film the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

spaceship taking off ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

but Sara gently ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

takes his ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

hand away, and whispers

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bunny: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sara: What do you mean open parentheses, DFASFSDFSDA fDFSDAFDSAFASDFAFDDAS close parentheses? You can’t film film this, Ganger’s Paradise is copyrighted material! Besides, you have to get their explicit permission and their explicitpermission first.

Thim: Weird Al Only asks for permission because he’s nice.

Sara: Do you even know what parody means?!

Thim: I’m livin’ life do or die, what can I say? I’m 23 now but will I live to see 24? I’ve been spending most my life living in a GYSO Paradise.

Thim: …wait. This is hell. Not paradise.

Sara: Oh, that’s nicely said. Did you come up with that yourself?

Thim: Yes. I’m a comedic genius, you see.

Bunny: That’s pretty coolio, father.


Henry is tying up loose ends in the kitchen. There’s a lot, so he’s really busy.

Henry: So… What happens next?

Albert: We’ll have to keep tabs on you–

Thim: Tabs? Of what?

Albert: That’s classified information.

Bunny: This happens all the time, father.

Thim: What does?

Sara: I can’t believe there’s anything to keep tabs of, this is just like 40 lines of dialogue that doesn’t go anywhere. Isn’t Reviews two years old now?

Snag’darr: Rawr xD

The dies.

The end.