GYSO Reviews Part 58 - Made-Up-Ball-Z

Published: 2025-01-26

The dies!

Henry: Are you running out of ideas there, Thim?

Thim: What the fuck are you talking about, Henry?!? The died! We gotta get him back! I even made a funny title for the occasion!

Sara: It’s not that funny.

Snag’darr: It’s not that funny, Thim. Get over yourself.

Thim: Wow thanks assholes. Way to be supportive of my ART.

Suddenly!

Snag’darr: You won’t improve if you don’t accept criticism, Thim.

Thim: There’s a difference between criticism and shitting indiscriminately on someone, jackass.

Sara: What is even “shitting indiscriminately”? That makes no sens–

Thim: Well, it’s when–

Henry: NO! Not this again! I’m eating! To be fair, I’m a plant, so I’m always eating, but still. Please? It’s the third time this week.

Thim: Hey, Snag’darr. You’re a dragon, so you know. How do we resurrect The?

Snag’darr: The… what?

Thim: The.

Snag’darr: Please be more specific, Thim.

Henry: I’m going to use my PSYCHOTIC ABILITIES?>!?! to beam Thim’s intent directly into your brain, Snag’darr. There’s no time for an Abott and Costello bit.

Sara: THAT’S the plot? You could NOT have made that any more unclear, Thim. You gotta work on your narrative structure, dude. So somehow The died, and now you’re trying to resurrect The by creating a bad parody of a beloved franchise?

Snag’darr: Oh I get it now.

Thim: So…?

Snag’darr: We aren’t sewing anything, Thim, we’re brainstorming how to resurrect The.

Sara: The what?

Thim: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The wind is strong af brooooo. gettin them gains broooo. at the coast where Snag’darr took them to find the first Made-Up-Ball-Z.

Thim: Wait, so you put the hyphen between the ‘Ball’ and the ‘Z’? Weird.

Sara: Wait. How do we deal with this? What are these things called? Made-Up-Ball-Z’s?

Snag’darr: I just thought they were normal made-up-balls, no need for a Z or to capitalize anything. Like, from the sport.

Sara: And how many did we need to collect to resurrect ‘The’? Why was I speaking in past-tense? What was happening to me?

Henry: Guys, The is probably burning in some sort of super hell. We gotta get all 69 Made-Up-Ball-Zs!

Thim: Wait. What is the plural of ‘Made-Up-Ball-Z’? Like, follow it with a lower-case ‘s’? Or…?

Snag’darr uses his dragon nose to sniff everything, EVERYTHING, and eventually finds the balls.

Thim: bro

Snag’darr: sorry

Snag’darr goes to sniff the sand and finds it! The first Made-up-Ball-Z!

Snag’darr: FOUND IT!

The volume of Snag’darr’s yell makes church bells ring in a 50 mile radius. Good thing they’re in a godless wasteland, so there’s no actually ringing. Then it’s silent, because there weren’t any church bells in the area.

Sara: YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHOUT LIKE THAT! WHAT?!?

The Gang(tm) walks up to see the Ball-Z. It’s a golf ball.

Snag’darr: Legend has it that the ancient Sumerians used this made-up-ball to decide who to sacrifice to their heathen gods.

(The community thinks this claim is suspect)

Thim: …didn’t the Sumerians exist before golf?

Henry: No time! Let’s find the other 68! Hurry!

Thim: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The Gang(tm) falls from the sky without a parachute! The ground is getting closer and closer, but suddenly!

Snag’darr swoops in and lets them land on his back while shooting action-packed fire from his dragon face.

If you want, here’s a suitable place to start imagining heroic music playing. Here at GYSO HQ, however, we prefer heavy metal.

Snag’darr: What’dya think, having a dragon on the team? Did you ever doubt me?

About here is where the climax of the most epic crescendo has passed. Or the guitarist has done ‘The Windmill’ hard enough and for long enough for an actual mill to be constructed around the stage. Talk about a breadwinner.

Thim: My ass is shattered from the impact on your back, Snag’darr, terminal velocity is no joke. Don’t at me.

Snag’darr: Oh, whoops. I tried to fly at a downward angle to lessen the blow, but you were so close to the ground…

Sara: It’s fine! Better than being splattered across the rice fields!

Henry: Wheeeeeeee!!

Henry the aloe vera plant falls past the Gang(tm) because they forgot him when they were base jumping off the skyscraper-helicopter. Luckily, Henry possesses potent PSYCHOTIC?! ABILITIES!!!!? so he’s not really in any danger.

Sara: Oh boy, I almost lost my Magnus in all the terminal- I mean turmoil trying to collect that Made-Up-Ball-Z.

Sara gleefully holds up a cat-eyed marble, roughly the size of the tip of a thumb. Pick any thumb, asshole, but maybe you should start with the one up your ass. Hole.

Snag’darr: They say the ancient Sumerians used that to decide who gets the last cookie from the jar.

Thim: Snag’darr, you’re supposed to be the educated one here. Come on man.

There are 67 balls left to collect. This is going to take a while.

A WHILE LATER

Thim: Sixty-six balls left to resurrect The, sixty-sixty balls left to ball. Find one ball, pass it a ball, sixty-six balls left to ball on the ball.

Henry: Welp. Thim’s lost it.

Sara: Took him long enough.

Thim: I’m working on the lyrics alright, give it a minute!

The sixy-sixth ball is actually one of those giant red spheres in front of Target. Something something ancient Sumerians.

MORE LATER THAN EVER BEFORE

Henry: F*ck it, we ball.

Everyone: HENRY! LANGUAGE!

Henry: Whaaat? I just wanted to be like you… sorry…

Thim: You are too pure to swear, Henry.

Henry: :(

The Gang(tm) stomps around an actual, literal, ancient Sumerian dig site, looking for the last Made-Up-Ball-Z.

Sara: (quietly) thirty-three balls are still left to be balled. thirty-three balls to ball. Ball it a ball, ball it a ball, thirty-three balls are still left to be balled.

Thim: So, Snag’darr, what’s this last one look like?

Snag’darr: Well, it’s going to be spherical…

Thim: I’m so tired, Snag’darr. Please.

Suddenly! Henry trips over a hatch built into the ground! It’s a secret ancient Sumerian place!

Thim: Henry, you’re an aloe vera plant, how did you trip over anything?

Henry: No time! Let’s go in!

The Gang(tm) squeezes into the tiny hatch. Yes even Snag’darr. What they find will surprise you!

Today’s episode is sponsored by balls. Balls to you.

[Skip in 700 minutes…]

Inside the ancient Sumerian hatch is a mural depicting how they very much factually used the Made-Up-Ball-Zs to do exactly what Snag’darr told them they used them for. There’s even selfies, immortalized on Polaroid pictures taken in front of the Target they got that one ball from and everything.

There’s one hell of a smug dragon in the room, and nobody’s happy about it.

Thim: …just get the ball and go. Fuck this quest.

Everyone else, sans Snag’darr: Agreed.

Thim: one ball are still made-up to ball. one made-up-ball-z’s. Find a ball, look for more balls, one balls is still left to be balled.

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Sara: But the lyrics are coming along, good on ya.

Sara fist bumps Thim. But accidentally punches him in the face, deliberately.

Sara’s so strong she knocks something loose in Thim’s skull.

It was one of the seven Schmaos Emeralds!

Sara: Oh whoops, wrong quest sorry.

Snag’darr: Now that we’ve gathered all 69 dragon– I mean Made-Up-Ball-Zs, we can summon The back from Hell!

Thim: Do it do it do it!

Snag’darr steps up and does a little [redacted], causing a blinding light to engulf the world! Out of the light, is The!

The: YOU MOTHERFUCKERS CAN’T JUST LET ME DIE CAN YOU!?

Thim (crying): I missed you so much, The!

The: I’VE LITERALLY NEVER TALKED TO YOU EVER YOU FOOL! HERE I WAS SITTING ON MY COMFY CHAIR IN HEAVEN, WHEN I GET SENT BACK TO THIS HELL WITH THE LIKES OF YOU!

Snag’darr: We thought you were in hell…?

The: YOU THOUGHT WRONG BITCH! HELL GOT FROZEN OVER BY SANTA, REMEMBER!?

The’s anger reaches such an apocalyptic level that he goes Super The, hair glowing yellow and everything.

Then The’s heart explodes.

The dies.

The end.