GYSO Reviews Part 59 - Wait I can Write Whatever I Want

Published: 2025-02-09

Thim is sitting in the GYSO Mansion kitchen. Smoking asbestos, feet on the table, ugly Birkenstocks, ugly out-of-season Christmas sweater, socks – plain black, and an empty look of dissillusion on his face.

Henry: So what do you want to write about today, buddy?

The silence is palpable.

Thim: What do you mean ‘want’?

Henry: What do you mean, ‘What do you mean ’want’?’?

A duck makes a sound. Three guesses as to what sound, the first two don’t count.

Thim: Define what ‘meaning’ is first.

Henry: No way, lol! :)

Thim: What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Have you heard of the one mainstay praxis in improv theatre? It’s ‘Yes, and…’. What do you mean, ‘what do you want to write about today’, and then when I ask you to continue the conversation as to generate material to be able to write something, you dismiss it comple–

Henry: It’s okay, I know it’s hard to understand things. I’m here for you, Thim.

Thim is snorting the crumbles of a red crayon. He’s just doin’ it. Going for for it, huh?

Thim: Let’s start from the beginning, okay? Try again with more explaining and less… whatever this is.

Thim is sitting in the GYSO Mansion kitchen. Smoking asperagus, face on the table, ugly Crocs, ugly in-season Valentines Day sweater, stocks– going up, and an empty look of durr on his face.

Suddenly!

HORGEN DORGEN BALORKEN FORKEN!!

Thim: Oh, hey, it’s the totally-not-a-narrator character! What a treat to have you here, long time no see! Your Swedish Chef impression is going well, I see.

I AM A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION, THIM. WHAT WHIMSICAL JOURNEY ARE WE GOING ON TODAY? ARE WE GOING TO ENCOUNTER AN…

Thim: How the hell am I supposed to know what’s going to happen? I’m not a prophet, no matter how much the rats in the basement try to convince you otherwise.

Well, I don’t have any answers for you Thim – it is your blog, after all.

Thim: Can you turn the volume on your mic up? It’s suddenly quiet.

IS THIS BETTER?

Thim: Yep! Thanks.

Anyways… cough ANYWAYS… I THINK I MIGHT KNOW SOMEONE THAT COULD HELP YOU WITH YOUR ISSUE

Thim abruptly stands up and slams a hand on the table.

Thim: My issue? You mean my issue of not knowing the future? Yeah, I think a lot of people would appreciate help on that one, dumbass.

BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO START AGAIN, THIM.

Thim: Fine…

Thim is sitting in the GYSO Mansion kitchen. Smoking ass, ass on the table, ugly ass, ugly in-ass Nirvana t-shirt, ass– going up ass, and an empty look of ass on his ass.

Thim: This is ass.

Snag’darr: You could sue, you know.

Thim: Sue? Who’s Sue?

Snag’darr: Depends on how much you like eating ass, though.

Thim: Get out of my house.

Snag’darr: Anyways, what are we going to do today, Thim?

Thim: We’re going to be talking about what to do today, apperently. Did I walk too close to a certain clock tower or something?

Snag’darr: But you write the blog, you do know know, right?

Thim: No. No I don’t.

Snag’darr: But… then what’s the meaning of life, if not what you, Thim, define it to be? What does it all mean?!

Thim: Okay, I tried this with Henry in a previous attempt at this, and in a way at this, we realized that the meaning was the ass we smoked along the way at this.

Snag’darr: Very well. Pass the ass, then, please. And do you have a lighter? I forgot mine at home.

Thim: You are a dragon. You breathe fire.

Snag’darr: Oh right! Thanks for the reminder. I got so used to not breathing fire from being in the city and all, you know?

Thim: Let’s try again, shall we?

Thim is sitting in the GYSO Mansion kitchen. Smoking bass, pass on the table, ugly bass, raunchy sauce-ass dressing on chef’s apron, bass– going up mass, and a fishy smell of bass on his plate-ass.

Wait how do you make a raunchy sauce-ass dressing? Actually, never mind I asked. I don’t want to know.

The grill is so hot. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Thim cooks the fish that shall not be named with the skill of a sort of okay bachelor whose cooking has never been judged by anyone but himself. Excepting some stupid sandwich competition.

Sara: That smells adequate. Do you mind if I play my bass while you cook?

Thim: I’ll give you a ‘thanks’ as unenthusiastic as your praise. And sure. Bass it up.

Sara: Wait, bass or bass? Which one did you say?

Thim: Bass.

Sara: Okay, thanks. By the way, what happens next?

Sara strums the bass while asking this, much to Thim’s chagrin.

Thim: Save that shit for the blog. Oh wait…

Sara: You can tell me, Thim. I want to know what happens.

Thim: Listen here you–

SUDDENLY! Albert drops in through a hole in the ceiling!

Albert: Pass that bass!

Sara: Which one?!

Thim: He means the bass.

Albert: Yes! Thank you!

Albert flies back out of the hole in the ceiling, carrying the bass.

Thim: Great. Now what will be do with our lack of food and/or music?

Sara: Shouldn’t you know?

Thim: Fuck this.

Thim is sitting in the–

Actually it’s just a vast green field.

This is a metaphor for loneliness and fear of agency. This is a meta joke on metaphores. This is a blog post. This joke has overstayed its welcome. This is extending the overstayed welcome to the point where it becomes humorous because of its absurdity instead of just being dumb. This is a metaphor for loneliness and fear of agency.

Thim is sitting in the GYSO Mansion kitchen. Smoking, table, ugly, ugly– going up, and smell.

Goopy Droopy: Dearest friend, my fellow in the endless streams of Time itself. I recieve the dire news on this very morn, and arrived posthaste to provide succor and comfort in this trying time.

Thim: Finally! Please, Goopy, lord of Droopy, please – please – let me know what this dire news is! I’ve been trying to … deal… over here for, like, a thousand words or something! Or something! I can’t really count that high, and the text editor doesn’t have a word count for some insane reason that only aliens that design software can truly understand; as a non-alien myself I can’t fathom the depths of madness and oddity present in software designer’s minds, but I still must suffer the concequences.

Goopy droops a bit.

Goopy Droopy: My friend, this may come as a deeply inciting surprise, a sudden overflowing of knowledge, a shattering of–

Thim: Get on with it!

Goopy Droopy: –However… Thim, if I may speak frankly, you must, as they say, ‘Get on with it’. You are, in almost all respects, sorrounded by these so-called ‘aliens’; they wear the skin you wear, speak the words that you speak, share more than many emotions and experiences with you, but you are not them. You are, as a point of fact, different enough to be surprised by their very actions. If that is nature, nurture, or some other greater cosmic fate does not matter in the slightest, for it is the truth. Go forth with the acceptance that you will not ever truly understand, and make your own future. That is your answer, the only answer.

Thim: I read in a book that people who claim ‘sage wisdom’ or whatever is toxic. You fuckin’ narcissist. Get out of my house and don’t speak to me or my ass ever again.

Goopy Droopy: Fare thee well, Thim. We will meet again, as has been smelled, as it will be.

Goopy droops out of the hole in the ceiling.

Thim: What an unbelievable cunt. I can “get on with it”. I’ll show him… I’LL SHOW ALL OF THEM!! MUA HAHAHAHAAH!!

There once was a man from–

Nope.

Somewhere, over the rainbo–

Been done.

Atop the mountain stood a god.

We already know.

Twinkle, twinkle, little–

Can’t you be original at all in that little brain?

Brains brains brains brains–

Run, it’s zombies! Hide your little brains! Your favorite character is going to look behind a door or stay alone in the dark or something. They refuse to wear armor strong enough to stop human fucking teeth from hitting their flesh!

TONIGHT, THE GREAT POLITICAL LEADER ‘THIM’ ANNOUNCED THERE WILL BE A NATIONWIDE BAN ON, QUOTE, “IDIOT DRAGONS AND SNOT MONSTERS NOT PUTTING THEIR BUSINESS BACK IN THEIR NOSES”.

IDIOT SNOT MONSTERS AROUND THE WORLD FLEE IN TERROR, EVEN IF THEY DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND ON ACCOUNT OF BEING IDIOTS!

THE REPERCUSSIONS OF THIS IS ALREADY BEING FELT AS THE MILITARY IS MAKING PREPERATION–

click

Thim is sitting in the GYSO Mansion kitchen.

Thim: You know what I’m going to do?

There’s nobody around to hear.

Thim: I’m going to go for a walk.