GYSO Drawing Part 19 - Blockquote

Published: 2019-11-10

This interview is perfect. -Norea 2019

Tim:
That’s right this is before the introduction. An introduction to the introduction, you might say.

What is this post? Whats going on? What’s happening to my GYSO?

Calm down, damn it, let me explain. In a stroke of brilliance and/or insanity my good friend and co-writer Thor decided that it was time for GYSO to dip its big, rotten, toe into the cesspool of journalism.

Who are we interviewing on this auspicious occasion? Who is going to be the victim interviewee?

Thor’s older sister.

Oh god oh fuck.

Over the course of an hour and a half of interrogation we pried answers out of this poor woman, and now its going to be transcribed onto the walls of GYSO. We will keep the transcription as fateful as possible, but it will be abridged in places.

Enjoy.

Introduction

Thor: Welcome to GYSO episode whatever. Can I just start with my first question?

Tim: She’s here? What? She hasn’t said anything. (This interview was done over the internet, as Tim was on the other side of the world.)

Thor: Do you understand how weird of a dynamic this is?

Norea: Hi!

Tim: Oh- Hello? Fine. First question.

Thor: First question: Introduction?

*Silence*

Tim: Yeah, introduce yourself. Don’t be a stranger. Introduce yourself to Tim from getyourskillson.com, come on!

Norea: This is like, the worst job interview.

Tim: Might as well be a job interview, since your planning on guest writing for the damn blog.

Norea: That just makes me even more nervous.

Tim: Alright, this is the perfect time to introduce yourself.

Norea: Im Norea, and im one of Thor’s older sisters. That’s basically my identity.

Tim: Wow. Did you have to sound like you were at gunpoint the whole time?

Thor: I think we, as social creatures, are underestimating how weird it is to have an obvious social connection to a random voice from a speaker.

Tim: I ask my first question. What’s your social security number?

*Silence*

Norea: 13

Tim: Im conducting an interview. You have to answer the questions truthfully.

Norea: 13. Period.

Tim: This is a disaster.

Thor: Which GYSO episode is your favorite, and why?

Norea: Hmmmmmmmmm… I think its China.

Tim: China? Im pretty sure that’s the post that got us blacklisted from google search results.

Norea: The title, China. You can almost touch the tension. And then it just… Your just waiting for the dangerous part and it never comes.

Tim: You’re sitting there like, “This is going to be a blog post,” and then you remember who’s writing it.

Norea: Stupid me for thinking it would actually be about China.

Thor: It is about china. Dishware.

Tim: Do you ever think about the existential dread of free will? If so, why?

Norea: Um… I try not to, no.

Tim: You try not to.

Norea: I mean, is there free will?

Tim: I don’t know, im asking you the question.

Norea: Well, I don’t have an answer. I hope we don’t. Its easier if we don’t.

Tim: You hope we don’t have free will?!

Norea: Yeah! Doesn’t that make life so much easier?

Tim: No it doesn’t. Im starting to think you weren’t prepared to answer this question. Please, save me. Ask her the next question.

Thor: Whats your general experience reading GYSO?

Norea: Its the ant like feeling in your legs.

Thor & Tim: What?

Norea: It feels like you have ants in your legs and you shake them out.

Tim: Ants in your legs?

Thor: Because you want to run away?

Norea: Its… Umm…

Tim: Like when your feet fall asleep?

Norea: Yeah, but more aggressive. Like they’re angry ants. Like one part of your legs is antsy, but your still determined to see where this goes.

Tim: Can you decipher that one, Thor?

Norea: Its not just your legs, but like your whole body?

Thor: You just feel really uncomfortable?

Norea: Yeah, kinda!

Tim: Whats your favorite color?

Norea: Green.

Tim: Finally a straight answer.

Thor: Can you please do an analysis of Tim’s literary analysis in the My Little Pony Review?

Norea: The thing I noticed the most was allegories. Interpreting My Little Pony as an allegory, and seeing the different kind of meanings from that. Im studying allegories in class right now.

Tim: Can you describe what an allegory is to the audience here?

Norea: Its describing something using some other thing, almost like a metaphor. Like when you say, “This means…”

Tim: I just did a search for “this means” on the post and the only instance was: “This means I was subjected to an endless onslaught of hard moaning sounds every time a horses ass was shown on screen.” Is that was you meant?

Thor: This is transforming GYSO into legitimate journalism.

Tim: You know im gonna have to transcribe this shit into the post, right?

Tim: Can you donate to my patreon?

Norea: Yeah, sure.

Thor: Let the record show shes willing to donate to our patreon.

Thor: Whats your best box look like?

Norea: Its wooden. Its very cute. Its round. Its not that fancy white wood, its just regular white wood. I keep my pants in it.

Tim: Your pants?

Norea: I said pens.

Thor: Im starting to think this was a bad idea. Can you draw it for us?

Norea: Oh, I see why its a box question.

*Drawing noises*

Thor: What does it feel like being the only person drawing for GYSO?

Norea: I feel special. I feel like im doing your job.

Thor: Let the record show that it is, indeed, a box on the paper. Ill take a picture so we can put it in the post.

Tim: Wait what?

*Silence*

Tim: That’s my next question: Wait what?

Norea: My apron fell off the wall.

Thor: How does it feel to be GYSO’s first fan?

Norea: It feels like im much much smarter than everyone else. Far more dedicated than anyone else.

Thor: Dedicated to what?

Norea: I have read so much text. Its like eating cheese with wine, I read some Hamlet, I read some GYSO.

Tim: You’ve read every GYSO post?

Norea: Yeah. I feel like you guys are really finding your voices.

Tim: My voice is right here, its coming out of your speakers. Can you elaborate on that?

Norea: It feels like you guys have found your roles. It feels natural even though its so weird. It feels sort of consistent in the latest few post.

Thor: Yeah, just constant depression.

Norea: Without reading previous post you can still imagine what the language and tone would be like, and that means you have found a voice. When people can imitate your voice, like the Kenyan ghost writer that means you have something to grab onto.

Tim: So when someone imitates your voice that means there’s something there to imitate in the first place.

Thor: So when someone imitates your voice that means there’s less there that’s strong and genuine?

Tim: Yeah! Are we cliche?

Norea: No. All the best authors are like, “this is so Hemingway,” or, “This is so Stephen King,” and people could be like, “This is so Tim from GYSO.”

Tim: Then people would be like, “Why am I reading this? It sounds like Tim from GYSO.”

Tim: What’s your favorite moment from GYSO? Not post, but moment.

Norea: I think a lot about the shed. I think that was my moment, the feeling of… frustration.

Thor: Would that be your one word to describe GYSO?

Norea: Yeah! If you had a header in your blog it would be “shed”

Thor: I was implying that the one word would be “frustrating.”

Norea: Nope, it would be shed.

Thor: That’s just as helpful as our content.

Norea: “Frustration” would be a good word too. I think that’s where the ants come from.

Tim: You mean its frustrating to read?

Norea: I mean… Yeah, in some sense.

Thor: I think that’s what GYSO does. It just makes you feel frustrated. Even with writing it.

Tim: That’s a new one. Frustrating? It makes you angry when reading it?

Norea: Yeah!

Thor: The first, primal, level of GYSO is being frustrating.

Norea: I think GYSO is always balancing on the edge of what’s bearable in one sense or another. Sometimes I think, “This is too long,” but then im like, “Its pushing all the limits.”

Tim: Please like comment and subscribe.

What went right?

Thor: What went right?

Norea: What went right? Uh… I don’t know. I don’t know if I should give a serious answer nor not. This interview? This interview is perfect.

Tim: If you had to sexually identify as a Pokemon, why would it be Hitmontop?

Norea: Hes kinda phallic, isn’t he? That’s relatable.

Tim: I wonder if we’re going to journalism hell for this.

Thor: Whats your number 1 tip for keeping plants happy?

Norea: Remember to water them, don’t put them in front of cold windows.

Tim: Ohhhh, that’s why my plants are dying.

Norea: And if they start to look sad, cut the sad parts off and then they look so much happier.

Thor: That’s what I do with my life.

Tim: I wasn’t listening. What did you say?

Norea: Nothing of importance.

Thor: Why is Zayn the best Jonas brother?

Norea: Well. I feel like he’s not like the other brothers, and he’s got the best hair.

Thor: That’s a valid answer.

Thor: Whats a GYSO?

Norea: A GYSO… Its- I think it has to be an attitude. Its this kinda frat boy attitude of “don’t take things too seriously, do whatever you want.”

Tim: That was an unironically serious answer.

Thor: Can you get your skills on? I forgot mine at home.

Norea: Yeah.

Tim: How do you propose we solve the general inadequacy of the current educational system.

Norea: Well, depends on what country you’re talking about. We need fewer for-profit schools.

Tim: Huh.

Thor: Whats the next big thing in tech?

Norea: Tik-tok

Thor: Why?

Norea: I don’t know. People have linkdin, but connected to their Tik-tok.

Tim: Here’s my professional business profile, and also a video of me cosplaying in a Rick and Morty outfit.

Norea: Its like your personal brand!

Tim: If my brand is Tim from Get Your Skills On than im fucked.

Norea: Does GYSO have a tik-tok? I think GYSO should have a tik-tok.

*everyone ignored this*

Tim: I have to hear you ask this question. I need it.

Thor: In reverse chronological order of US presidents, please list your

Norea: Nixon, Bush, Obama, Trump, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and that guy who wrote those erotic love letters. Babe Ruth, also.

Tim: Babe Ruth the president of the United States. This is the greatest day of my life. What even is this question? It cuts off half way through.

Norea: Its my American presidents in reverse chronological order.

Tim: If you were my old science teacher would you have thrown a lit match at me?

Norea: I think so, yeah.

Tim: Wow. Jerk. What have I ever done to deserve a lit match being thrown at me? I mean besides writing for GYSO?

Norea: Yeah, what have you done?

Tim: You know, this is the same teacher that called me a pimp in class in front of everyone.

Norea: Was it a compliment?

Tim: He just said it like it was a fact of nature. Like, “Tim’s a pimp, ima throw a match at him.” I think it was in the same day. This isn’t a joke, he actually did call me a pimp and threw a match at me.

What went wrong?

Thor: What went wrong?

Norea: The ants. Your spreading these ants. You’re the reason I have ants.

Tim: What did you piss in the ant hill or something?

Norea: No you did, and now they’re attacking me.

Thor: In Hansel and gretle the morally ambiguous part is if the bears should have eaten the boy to tasted their gluten free oatmeal shakes.

Norea: Uh-huh. Yeah. Because it was the perfect oatmeal shake. Its communism.

Tim: Huh?

Norea: Bears need to learn to share.

Tim: Whats your mother’s maiden name.

Norea: [censored]
(note: she actually did answer this.)

Tim: What’s your legal name, as printed on your credit card.

Norea: [censored]
(note: this, too, was answered honestly. She brought out her card and everything.)

Tim: Whats your bank account number?

Norea: 13. Feel free to send me money.

Thor: In biology, the trigonometry of pi isn’t discussed. Why?

Norea: Because its hard to pronounce.

Tim: That makes sense. My science class was full of teachers throwing lit matches at me and being a pimp, not learning science.

What happens next?

Thor: What happens next?

Norea: I think… A post about shipping containers? And the value of having cardboard boxes made out of solid cardboard as opposed to the other alternatives.

Tim: Huh? Is that like an actual problem? Are people using gaseous cardboard for their boxes, as opposed to using solid cardboard?

Norea: Yeah, that would be difficult to do.

Tim: I feel like this conversation is a giant snake im trying to wrangle into a direction that I can understand, but every time I cut off its head it grows two more.

Thor: Is it all downhill from here?

Norea: Yeah I think so, yeah. I think its a good thing, downhill is objectively better than uphill. Its easier to walk down.

Thor: Wow.

Norea: Also if you have a ball its easy to roll it down

Thor: Whats the preferable angle of the hill?

Norea: 85 degrees.

Tim: That’s a cliff face.

Tim: If you could shoot one animal into space, what would it be? Bonus points if you can imitate the noise it would make screaming into the void.

Norea: That’s a tough one. Giraffe or elephant, since they have such unusual anatomy and I want to see that space suit.

Tim: Bonus points if you can imitate the noise the elephant would make while screaming into the void.

*Elephant noise*

Tim: Wrong! In space nobody can hear you scream!

Thor: Current mood?

*Robot noises*

Tim: Hey, you’re our target demographic!

Thor: Leading question?

*Silence*

Thor: If we were to systematically put people through this interview could it be interpreted as bullying?

Norea: I hope so. One of Dante’s circles in hell.

Tim: I ask my final question. If you could say or ask one thing to Tim from GYSO, what would it be?

Norea: Im drawing a blank. Just like you.

Tim: GYSO is about drawing boxes, not blanks.

Norea: Draw more boxes. I want to see more boxes.